1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened, and be able to articulate what about the situation is not okay. Then tell, a couple of trusted people about your experience.
2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else. No one else even has to know about your decision.
3. Understand your goal. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person who upset you nor does it mean condoning the person’s behavior What you are after is to find peace even though aspects of your life were not what you hoped.
4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from hurt feelings, thoughts, and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes-or ten years ago.
5. At the moment you feel upset practicing stress management techniques to soothe your body’s flight or fight response.
6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you Recognize the “unenforceable rules” you have for your health or how you or other people must behave.
7. Look for ways to get your positive goals met that do not concern the experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt, seek out new ways to get what you want.
8. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty, and kindness around you.
9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive, with a focus on what you have learned about yourself and life.
By Frederic, Luskin – Make Peace With Your Past