The Psychology of Ecstasy By Austin Osman Spare
Definitions
The words God, religions, faith, morals, woman, etc. (they being forms of belief), are used as expressing different “means” as controlling and expressing desire: an idea of unity by fear in some form or another which must spell bondage-the imagined limits; extended by science which adds a dearly paid inch to our height: no more.
Kia: The absolute freedom which being free is mighty enough to be “reality” and free at any time: therefore is not potential or manifest (except as it’s instant possibility) by ideas of freedom or “means,” but by the Ego being free to receive it, by being free of ideas about it and by not believing. The less said of it (Kia) the less obscure is it. Remember evolution teaches by terrible punishments-that conception is ultimate reality but not ultimate freedom from evolution.
Virtue: Pure Art
Vice: Fear, belief, faith, control, science, and the like.
Self-Love: A mental state, mood or condition caused by the emotion of laughter becoming the principle that allows the Ego appreciation or universal association in permitting inclusion before conception.
Exhaustion: That state of vacuity brought by exhausting a desire by some means of dissipation when the mood corresponds to the nature of the desire, i.e., when the mind is worried because of the non-fulfilment of such desire and seeks relief. By seizing this mood and living, the resultant vacuity is sensitive to the subtle suggestion of the Sigil.
Different Religions and Doctrines as Means to Pleasure, Freedom and Power.
What is there to believe, but in Self? And Self is the negation of completeness as reality. No man has seen self at any time. We are what we believe and what it implies by a process of time in the conception; creation is caused by this bondage to formula.
Actions are the expressions of ideas bound up in the belief; they being inherent are obscure, their operation indirect, easily they deceive introspection. Fruits of action are two-fold, Heaven or Hell, their Unity or Nothingness (Purgatory or Indifference). In Heaven there is desire for Women. Hell the desire intense. Purgatory is expectation delayed. Indifference but disappointment till recovery. Then verily they are one and the same. The wise pleasure seeker, having realised they are “different degrees of desire” and never desirable, gives up both Virtue and Vice and becomes a Kiaist. Riding the Shark of his desire he crosses the ocean of the dual principle and engages himself in self-love.
Religions are the projection of incapacity, the imaginations of fear, the veneer of superstition, that paradox is truth, 0 while ofttimes the ornamentation of imbecility. As a virtue in the Idea to maximize pleasure cheaply, remit your sins and excuse them-is but ceremonial, the expression of puppetry to the governing fear. Yes! What you have ordained in your religiousness, is your very rack, imagined though it be! The prospect is not pleasant; you have taught yourself! It has become inborn and your body is sensitive.
0: That God is always in Heaven or that the Almighty inconceivable emanates its conception or negation-commits suicide, etc.
Some praise the idea of Faith. To believe that they are Gods (or anything else) would make them such-proving by all they do, to be full of its non-belief. Better is it to admit incapacity or insignificance, than reinforce it by faith; since the superficial “protects” but does not change the vital. Therefore reject the former for the latter. Their formula is deception and they are deceived, the negation of their purpose. Faith is denial, or the metaphor Idiotcy, hence it always fails. To make their bondage more secure Governments force religion down the throats of their slaves, and it always suceeds; those who escape it are but few, therefore their honour is the greater. When faith perishes, the “Self” shall come into its own. Others less foolish, obscure the memory that God is a conception of themselves, and as much subject to law. Then, this ambition of faith, is it so very desirable? Myself, I have not yet seen a man who is not God already.
Others again, and those who have much knowledge, cannot tell you exactly what “belief” is, or how to believe in what defies natural laws and existing belief. Surely it is not by saying “I believe”; that art has long been lost. They are even more subject to bewilderment and distraction directly they open their mouths full of argument; without power and unhappy unless spreading their own confusion, to gain cogency they must adopt dogma and mannerism that excludes possibility . . . . . . By the illumination of their knowledge they deteriorate in accomplishment. Have we not watched them decay in ration to their expoundings? Verily, man cannot believe by faith or gain, neither can he explain his knowledge unless born of a new law. We being everything, wherefore the necessity of imagining we are not?
Be ye mystic.
Others believe in prayer . . . . have not all yet learnt, that to ask it to be denied? Let it be the root of your Gospel. Oh, ye who are living other peoples lives! Unless desire is subconscious, it is not fulfilled, no, not in this life. Then verily sleep is better than prayer. Quiescence is hidden desire, a form of “not asking”; by it the female obtains much from man. Utilize prayer (if you must pray) as a means of exhaustion, and by that you will obtain your desire.
Some do much to show the similarity of different religions; certainly by it I prove the possibility of a fundamental illusion, but that they never realise-or this Ukase they are the mockery, for how much they regret! They suffer more conflict than the unenlightened. With what they can identify their own delusion of fear they call truth. They never see this similarity and the quintessence of religions, their own poverty of imagination and religion’s palliation. Better is it to show the essential difference of religions. It is as well to know that various means; is not their object to deceive and govern? Surely then, for the attainment of the transcendental, God and religion should have no place.
Some praise truth so-called, but give it many containers; forgetting its dependence they prove its relationship and paradox, the song of experience and illusion. Paradox is not “truth”, but the truth that anything can be true for a time. What supersedes paradox and its implicit (“not necessary”), I will make the foundation of my teaching. Let us determine the deliberative, “the truth” cannot be divided. Self-love only cannot be denied and is Self-love as such when paradoxical, under any condition, hence it alone is truth, without accessories complete.
Others praise ceremonial Magic, and are supposed to suffer much Ecstasy! Our asylums are crowded, the stage is over-run! Is it by symbolizing we become the symbolized? Were I to crown myself King, should I be King? Rather should I be an object of disgust or pity. These Magicians, whose insincerity is their safety, are but the unemployed dandies of the Brothels. Magic is but one’s natural ability to attract without asking; ceremony what is unaffected, its doctrine the negation of theirs. I know them well and their creed of learning that teaches the fear of their own light. Vampires, they are as the very lice in attraction. Their practices prove their incapacity, they have no magic to intensify the normal, the joy of a child or healthy person, none to evoke their pleasure or wisdom from themselves. Their methods depending on a morass of the imagination and a chaos of conditions, their knowledge obtained with less decency than the hyena his food, I say they are less free and do not obtain the satisfaction of the meanest among animals. Self condemned in their disgusting fatness, their emptiness of power, without even the magic of personal charm or beauty, they are offensive in their bad taste and mongering for advertisement. The freedom of energy is not obtained by its bondage, great power not by disintegration. Is it not because our energy (or mind stuff) is already over bound and divided, that we are not capable, let alone magical?
Some believe any and every thing is symbolic, and can be transcribed, and explain the occult, but of what they do not know. (Great spiritual truths?) So argument a metaphor, cautiously confusing the obvious which developes the hidden virtue. This unnecessary corpulency, however impressive, is it not disgusting? (The Elephant is exceeding large but extremely powerful, the swine though odious does not breed the contempt of our good taste.) If a man is no hero to his servant, much less can he remain a mystic in the eyes of the curious; similarity educates mimicry. Decorate your meaning, however objectionable (as fact), after you have shown your honesty. Truth, though simple, never needs the argument of confusion for obscurity; its own pure symbolism embraces all possibilities as mystic design. Take your stand in commonsense and you include the truth which cannot lie; no argument has yet prevailed. Perfect proportion suggest no alteration, and what is useless decays.
They reject all the modern symbolism 1 and reach an absurd limit very early. Not counting on change 2 and (at times) the arbitrary nature of symbolism or the chance of a preserved folly, by their adoption of the traditional without a Science, as having reading to the present, their symbolism is chaotic and meaningless. Not knowing the early rendering, they succeed in projecting their own meagreness by this confusion, as explaining the ancient symbols. Children are more wise. This conglomeration of antiquity decayed, collected with the disease of greed-is surely the chance for charity? Forgetting trumpery ideas, learn the best tradition by seeing you own functions and the modern unbiassed. Some praise the belief in a moral doctrinal code, which they naturally and continually transgress, and never obtain their purpose. Given the right nature, they succeed fairly in their own governing, and are those most healthy, sane and self-pleased. It may be called the negation of my doctrine, they obtain tolerable satisfaction, whereas mine is complete. Let him tarry here, who is not strong for the great work. In freedom he might be lost. So fledge your wings fearlessly, ye humble ones!
1: All means of locomotion, machinery, governments, institutions, and everything essentially modern, is vital symbolism of the workings of our mind, etc.
2: The symbol of justice known to the Romans is not symbolic of Divine, or our justice, at least not necessarily or usually. The vitality is not exactly like water-nor are we trees; more like ourselves, which might incidentally include trees somewhere unlearnt-much more obvious in our workings at present.
Others say knowledge only is eternal, it is the eternal illusion of learning-the Ukase of learning what we already know. Directly we ask ourselves “how” we induce stupidity; without this conception what is there we could not know and accomplish? Others for concentration, it will not free you, the mind conceiving the law is bondage. Arrived at that, you will want deconcentration. Dissociation from all ideas but one is not release but imaginative fulfilment, or the fury of creation. Others again, that all things are emanations of the Divine Spirit, as rays from the Sun, hence the need of emancipation? Verily, things are of necessity through their conception and belief. Then let us destroy or change conception, and empty the belief.
These and many other doctrines, are declared by me as the perpetuators of sin and illusion. Each and all depending on a muddled implication, obscuring, yet evolved from the duality of the consciousness for their enjoyment. In fear they would vomit hot blood were they to see the fruits of their actions and pleasures. Thus believing in widely different doctrines, they are of the dual principle, necessary parasites on each other. Like drugs and the surgeon’s knife, they only annul or at best remove an effect. They do not change or remove the fundamental cause (the law). “Oh, God, thou art the stagnant environment.” All is quackery: these religions whose very existence depend on their failure, are so full of misery and confusion, have only multiplied arguments, as full of argument as they are evil, so crowded with non-essentials, being so barren of any free pleasure in this life or another, I cannot uphold their doctrines. Their criterion for enjoyment-death! Better it were a man renounce them all, and embrace his own invincible purpose. He cannot go further, and this is his only release. By it he may put his pleasure where he will, and find satisfaction.
The Consumer of Religion
Kia, in its Transcendental and Conceivable Manifestation.
Of name it has no name, to designate. I call it Kia I dare not claim it as myself. The Kia which can be expressed by conceivable ideas, is not the eternal Kia, which burns up all belief but is the archetype of “self,” the slavery of mortality. Endeavouring to describe “it,” I write what may be but not usually-called the “book of lies”. 3 The unorthodox of the originable-a volant “sight,” that conveys somehow by the incidental, that truth is somewhere. The Kia which can be vaguely expressed in words is the “Neither-Neither,” the unmodified “I” in the sensation of omnipresence, the illumination symbolically transcribed in the sacred alphabet, and of which I am about to write. Its emanation is its own intensity, but not necessariness, it has and ever will exist, the virgin quantum-by its exuberance we have gained existence. Who dare say where, why and how it is related? By the labour of time the doubter inhabits his limit. Not related to, but permitting all things, it eludes conception, yet is the quintessence of conception as permeating pleasure in meaning. Anterior to Heaven and Earth, in its aspect that transcends these, but not intelligence, it may be regarded as the primordial sexual principle, the idea of pleasure in self-love. Only he who has attained the death posture can apprehend this new sexuality, and its almighty love satisfied. He that is ever servile to belief, clogged by desire, is identified with such and can see but its infinite ramifications in dissatisfaction.4 The progenitor of itself and all things, but resembling nothing, this sexuality in its early simplicity, embodies the everlasting. Time has not changed it, hence I call it new. This ancestral sex principle, and the idea of self, are one and the same, this sameness its exaction and infinite possibilities, the early duality, the mystery of mysteries, the Sphinx at the gates of all spirituality. All conceivable ideas begin and end as light in its emotion, the ecstasy which the creation of the idea of self induces. The idea is unity by the formula of self, its necessary reality as continuity, the question of all things, all this universe visible and invisible has come out of it. As unity conceived duality, it begot trinity, begot tetragrammaton. Duality being unity, is time, the complex of conception, the eternal refluctuation to the primeval reality in freedom-being trinity of dualities, is the six senses, the five facets of sex-projecting as environment for self-assimilation in denial, as a complete sexuality. Being tetragrammaton of dualities is twelvefold by arrangement, the human complex, and may be called the twelve commandments of the believer. It imagines the eternal decimal, its multiplicity embracing eternity, from which spring the manifold forms, which constitute existence. Vitalized by the breath of self-love, life is conscious of one. Self being its opposing force, is alternately conflict, harmony, life and death. These four principles are one and the same-the conception considered as the complete “self” or consciousness-hence they may be blended into unity and Symbolized. One form made by two, that is three-fold and having four directions.
Of name it has no name, to designate. I call it Kia I dare not claim it as myself. The Kia which can be expressed by conceivable ideas, is not the eternal Kia, which burns up all belief but is the archetype of “self,” the slavery of mortality. Endeavouring to describe “it,” I write what may be but not usually-called the “book of lies”. 3 The unorthodox of the originable-a volant “sight,” that conveys somehow by the incidental, that truth is somewhere. The Kia which can be vaguely expressed in words is the “Neither-Neither,” the unmodified “I” in the sensation of omnipresence, the illumination symbolically transcribed in the sacred alphabet, and of which I am about to write. Its emanation is its own intensity, but not necessariness, it has and ever will exist, the virgin quantum-by its exuberance we have gained existence. Who dare say where, why and how it is related? By the labour of time the doubter inhabits his limit. Not related to, but permitting all things, it eludes conception, yet is the quintessence of conception as permeating pleasure in meaning. Anterior to Heaven and Earth, in its aspect that transcends these, but not intelligence, it may be regarded as the primordial sexual principle, the idea of pleasure in self-love. Only he who has attained the death posture can apprehend this new sexuality, and its almighty love satisfied. He that is ever servile to belief, clogged by desire, is identified with such and can see but its infinite ramifications in dissatisfaction.4 The progenitor of itself and all things, but resembling nothing, this sexuality in its early simplicity, embodies the everlasting. Time has not changed it, hence I call it new. This ancestral sex principle, and the idea of self, are one and the same, this sameness its exaction and infinite possibilities, the early duality, the mystery of mysteries, the Sphinx at the gates of all spirituality. All conceivable ideas begin and end as light in its emotion, the ecstasy which the creation of the idea of self induces. The idea is unity by the formula of self, its necessary reality as continuity, the question of all things, all this universe visible and invisible has come out of it. As unity conceived duality, it begot trinity, begot tetragrammaton. Duality being unity, is time, the complex of conception, the eternal refluctuation to the primeval reality in freedom-being trinity of dualities, is the six senses, the five facets of sex-projecting as environment for self-assimilation in denial, as a complete sexuality. Being tetragrammaton of dualities is twelvefold by arrangement, the human complex, and may be called the twelve commandments of the believer. It imagines the eternal decimal, its multiplicity embracing eternity, from which spring the manifold forms, which constitute existence. Vitalized by the breath of self-love, life is conscious of one. Self being its opposing force, is alternately conflict, harmony, life and death. These four principles are one and the same-the conception considered as the complete “self” or consciousness-hence they may be blended into unity and Symbolized. One form made by two, that is three-fold and having four directions.
3: About this “Self”; all conception is the dual principle, the law which is its conception.
4: The unmodified sex principle refracted through the dual principle emanates the infinite variety of emotions or sexualities, which may be called its ramifications.
The Transcendental Law, the Law and Testament of the “New.”
The law of Kia is its own arbiter, beyond necessitation, who can grasp the nameless Kia? Obvious but unintelligible, without form, its design most excellent. Its wish is its superabundance, who can assert its mysterious purpose? By our knowledge it becomes more obscure, more remote, and our faith-opacity. Without attribute, I know not its name. How free it is, it has no need of sovereignty! (Kingdoms are their own despoilers.) Without lineage, who dare claim relationship? Without virtue, how pleasing in its moral self-love! How mighty is it, in its assertion of “Need not be-Does not matter”! Self-love in complete perspective, serves its own invincible purpose of ecstasy. Supreme bliss simulating opposition is its balance. It suffers no hurt, neither does it labour. Is it not self-attracting and independent? Assuredly we cannot call it balance. Could we but imitate its law, all creation without command would unite and serve our purpose in pleasure and harmony. Kia transcending conception, is unchanging and inexhaustible, there is no need of illumination to see it. If we open our mouths to speak of it, it is not of it but of our duality, mighty though it be in its early simplicity! Kia without conceiving, produces its rendezvous as the fulness of creation. Without assertion the mightiest energy, without smallness it may appear the least among things. Its possession ours without asking, its being free, the only thing that is free. Without distinction, it has no favourites, but nourishes itself. In fear all creation pays homage-but does not extol its moral, so everything perishes unbeautifully. We endow ourselves with the power we concieve of it, and it acts as master-5, never the cause of emancipation. Thus for ever from “self” do I fashion the Kia, without likeness, but which may be regarded as the truth. From this consultation is the bondage made, not by intelligence shall we be free. The law of Kia is its ever original purpose, undetermined, without change the emanations, through our conception they materialize and are of that duality, man takes this law from this refraction, his ideas-reality. With what does he balance his ecstasy? Measure for measure by intense pain, sorrow, and miseries. With what his rebellion? Of necessity slavery! Duality is the law, realization by suffering, relates and opposes by units of time. Ecstasy for any length of time is difficult to obtain, and laboured heavily for. Various degrees of misery alternating with gusts of pleasure and emotions less anxious, would seem the condition of consciousness and existence. Duality in some form or another is consciousness as existence. It is the illusion of time, size, entity, etc.-the world’s limit. The dual principle is the quintessence of all experience, no ramification has enlarged its early simplicity, but is only its repetition, modification or complexity, never is its evolution complete. It cannot go further than the experience of self-so returns and unites again and again, ever an anti-climax. For ever retrogressing to its original simplicity by infinite complication is its evolution. No man shall understand “Why” by its workings. Know it as the illusion that embraces the learning of all existence. The most aged one who grows no wiser, it may be regarded as the mother of all things. Therefore believe all experience to be illusion, and the law of duality. As space pervades an object both in and out, similarly within and beyond this ever-changing cosmos, there is this secondless principle.
5: By scores of incarnations, our eventual “self” is derived from the attributes with which we endow our God, the abstract Ego or conceptive principle. All conception is a denial of the Kia, hence we are its opposition, our own evil. The offspring of ourselves, we are the conflict of what we deny and assert of the Kia. It would seem as though we cannot be too careful in our choice, for it determines the body we inhabit.
Soliloquy on God-Head.
Who ever Thought Thus?
Something is causing Pain and something energizes the Agony: may it not be caused through the latent Idea of Supreme Bliss? And this eternal expectation, this amassing of ornament on decay, this ever-abiding thought- is coincidental with the vanity preceding death? O, squalid thought from the most morbid spleen how can I devour thee and save my Soul? Ever did it answer back-“Pay homage where due: the Physician is the Lord of existence!” This superstition of medicine-is it not the essence of cowardice, the agent of Death?
Strange no one remembers being dead? Have you ever seen the Sun?-If you have then you have seen nothing dead-in spite of you different belief! Which is the more dead “you” or this corpse? Which of you has the greater degree of consciousness? Judging by expression alone-which of you appears enjoying Life most? May not this “belief” in death be the “will” that attempts “death” for your satisfaction, but can give you no more than sleep, decay, change-hell? This constant somnambulism is “the unsatisfactory.”
You disbelieve in Ghosts and God-because you have not seen them? What! You have never seen the mocking ghosts of your beliefs?-the Laughing Bedlam of your humility or Mammon-your grotesque Ideas of “Self”? Yea, your very faculties and your most courageous Lies are Gods! Who is the slayer of your Gods-but a God!
There is no proof that you existed before? What an excuse! No one has returned to tell us? What a damning advocate! You are but what you were-somehow changed? You are the case Prima Facie that you are reincarnated to perhaps anything? “Perhapses” are possible! Can you do differently to what you do? Never shall I tire of asserting that you constantly do differently!
What is the “ugliness” that offends? Is it the vague knowledge that you will have to change your mind-that you are germinating what you contain? You are always remembering what you forgot; to-day may be the day of reckoning-of believing by force what you disbelieved? Now if to-day is yesterday in all but appearances-then to-morrow also is to-day- the day of decay! Daily is this universe destroyed, that is why you are conscious! There is no Life and Death? Such ideas should be less than comic.
There is no Duality?
You are conscious of the gay Butterfly you observe and are conscious of being “You”: the Butterfly is conscious of being “itself,” and as such, it is a consciousness as good as and the same as yours, i.e., of you being “you.” Therefore this consciousness of “you” that you both feel is the same “you”? Ergo, you are one and the same-the mystery of mysteries and the most simple thing in the world to understand! How could you be conscious of what you are not? But you might believe differently? So, if you hurt the Butterfly you hurt yourself, but your belief that you don’t hurt yourself protects you from hurt-for a time! Belief gets tired and you are miserably hurt! Do what you will-belief is ever its own inconsistency. Desire contains everything, hence you must believe in everything-if you believe at all! Belief seems to exclude commonsense.
There is no doubt about it-this consciousness of “Thee” and “Me” is the unwelcome but ever ready torturer-yet it “need not be so” in any sense! Is it not a matter of Fear? You are fearsome of entering a den of Tigers? (And I assure you it is a matter of righteousness-(inborn or cultured)-whether you enter voluntarily or are chucked in, and whether you come out alive or not!) Yet daily you fearlessly enter dens inhabited by more terrible creatures than Tigers and you come out unharmed-why?
The Allegory.
Great scientists are finding out the death-dealing properties of the microbes they discover we breathe, and which according to their canons should destroy; we should be already dead? Have faith! The canons of science are quite correct, they do not disappoint the doubt! Our greater familiarity-“this impulse to knowledge” will certainly bring us the disease and death they give! And also give us in compensation their powers of destruction! For the destruction of whom? Things will be squared! Is this the value of the will? This “will to power”-how life preserving! How furthering of discriminate selection! How pleasing! Most noble explorers! O, you scientists-go on discovering the Bottomless Pit! When you are sodden with science-the lightning will thunder out the murder? New hope will be born? New creatures for the circus? (The conception of) God-head must ever evolve its inertia for transmutation to its very opposite-because it contains it!
The master must be the painful learner of his stupidity?
The idea of God ever means the forgetfulness of supremacy and Godliness. So must be supplanted by fear, eh?
There is no Atheist, no one is free from auto-biography, there is no fearless pleasurist?
The conception is the absence of its indisputable reality within! When the conception is memorial in forgetfulness-it may be the chance of its reality for you?? When the prayer-(you are always praying) has transmutated to its Blasphemy-you are attractive enough to be heard-your desire is gratified! What a somersault of humility!
Whether God is projected as master by fear or as the dweller within by love Gods we are all the time, that is why divinity is always potential. Its constant generation, the eternal delay-is life. This envy of the Master or Creator-the ultimate hope to follow in manner is also existence and the forfeiture of “Life”!
There is no scientific fact, it ever implies its opposite as equal fact, this is the “fact.” Then why trouble to prove anything a fact? This vain hope to prove finality is death itself, so why humbug the “Desire”? You have proved (by mathematics!) the sun to be so many millions of miles away from you-you will now improve its efficiency! Nature-that impulse to the antitheses of your truths, will early prove (by mathematics and whenever you like!) that the Sun does not exist at all! Or if you wish-it will prove conclusively that the Sun is millions of millions of miles further away or millions of miles nearer than you once thought! Most extraordinary thinker! These facts and many others are already know to the butterfly, the lice, the insects-and perhaps yourself? Whose senses are the more true-yours or the house-fly’s? You will eventually adopt their vision-their thoughts and wisdom-you were such once? You are such now but have not awakened them-you will be such again in power! Wondrous progress! Most meritorious accomplishments! Most merciless! Progress should be closely examined and what you have gained by the convenience of science.
A thought for perspective-you are always what you most wish-the prospective! Your desire is to live according to your desire, and this you are always realizing! Most noble sentiment!-you are “it” already-“the satisfied”-“the desireless”-“the real thing”! You are drunk with it.
There is no illusion but consciousness! This consciousness is ever the smiling monument commemorating “Whether you ever really enjoyed Life”!
The God of the “Will” is the command to obey, its Justice everyone fears-it is a Sword-your desert for obedience! “Will” is the command to believe, your will is what you have believed actively willing the belief for you! You think when “it” wishes! “Will” is complication, the means of a means. Call this will free or not-beyond will and belief is Self-love. I know of no better name. It is free to believe what it desires. You are free to believe in nothing related to belief. The “Truth” is not difficult to understand! The truth has no will-will has no truth! Truth is “will” never believed-it has no truth! “Could be”-is the immediate certainty! This haunting Sphinx teaches us the value of the “will to anything”? Then there is no graver risk than Absolute Knowledge-if little is dangerous-what about Omniscience? The Almighty power has no accessories!
Science is the accursed doubt of the possible, yea, of what does exist! You cannot conceive an impossibility, nothing is impossible, you are the impossible! Doubt is delay-time-but how it punishes! Nothing is more true than anything else! What are you not-you ever answered truthfully?
You tyrannise over yourself, so constantly forget what you remember; you resist sense objects and show resistance to the faculties by believing or not. These faculties are as numerous as the atoms you have not yet seen, and they are as endless as the number one-they come into life at will. You adopt a few at a time- knowledge you speak through them- did you but understand your grammar those you disown speak louder than your words! I would not believe the wisdom of the Almighty.
Belief is ever its own tempter to believe differently; you cannot believe freedom but you may be freed from belief? Neither can you believe the “Truth” but you need not compromise yourself. The way of Life is not by “means”-these doctrines-my doctrines even though they allow the self-appointed devotee to emulate my realization- may I ever blush! The man of sorrows is the Teacher! I have taught- would I teach myself or thee again? Not for a gift from Heaven! Mastership equals learning- equals constant unlearning! Almighty is he who has not learnt and mighty is the babe- it has only the power of assimilating!
The most solecistical of fools now asks-“how can we escape the inevitable evolutions of conception-as all is ever conceiving”? My answer shall permit all means, all men, all conditions. Listen, O, God that art, yet would be God. When the mind is nonplussed- capability to attempt the impossible becomes known; by that most simple state of “Neither-Neither” the Ego becomes the Silent Watcher and knows about it all! The “Why” and “How” of desire is contained within the mystic state of “Neither-Neither” and common-sense proves it is the milk state, most nutritious! Clownish that I am- yet all my ideas have come out of it (and, my friend, all yours), but ever have I been a sluggard- an old sinner who would see others almighty before himself.
The Death Posture
Ideas of Self in conflict cannot be slain, by resistance they are a reality- no Death or cunning has overcome them but is their reinforcement of energy. The dead are born again and again lie in the womb of conscience. By allowing maturity is to predicate decay when by non-resistance is retrogression to early simplicity and the passage to the original and unity without idea. From that idea is the formula of non-resistance germinating “Does not matter- please yourself.”
The conception of “I am not” must of necessity follow the conception of “I am,” because of its grammar, as surely in this world of sorrow night follows day. The recognition of pain as such, implies the idea of pleasure, and so with all ideas. By this duality, let him remember to laugh at all times, recognize all things, resist nothing; then there is no conflict, incompatibility or compulsion as such.
Transgressing Conception by a Lucid Symbolism.
Man implies Woman, I transcend these by the Hermaphrodite, this again implies a Eunuch6; all these conditions I transcend by a “Neither” principle, yet although a “Neither” is vague, the fact of conceiving it proves its palpability, and again implies a different “Neither.”7
But the “Neither-Neither” principle of those two, is the state where the mind has passed beyond conception, it cannot be balanced, since it implies only itself. The “I” principle has reached the “Does not matter- need not be” state, and is not related to form. Save and beyond it, there is no other, therefore it alone is complete and eternal. Indestructible, it has power to destroy- therefore it alone is true freedom and existence. Through it comes immunity from all sorrow, therefore the spirit is ecstasy. Renouncing everything by the means shown, take shelter in it. Surely it is the abode of Kia? This having once been (even Symbolically) reached, is our unconditional release from duality and time- believe this to be true. The belief free from all ideas but pleasure, the Karma through law (displeasure) speedily exhausts itself. In that moment beyond time, a new law can become incarnate, without the payment of sorow, every wish gratified, he8 having become the gratifier by his law. The new law shall be the arcana of the mystic unbalanced “Does not mattter- need not be,” there is no necessitation, “please yourself” is its creed.9
In that day there can be deliberation. Without subjection, what you wish to believe can be true. “He”10 is pleased by this imitation, the truth revealed to me by all systems of government but is himself ungoverned; Kia, the supreme bliss. This the glorious Science of pleasing one’s self by a new agreement, the art of Self-love by recognition, the Psychology of ecstasy by non-resistance.
6: Sex-less.
7: They being dual have analogy to certain early sex principles in nature. They are carried further in the sacred alphabet, being too abstruse to explain by orthodox words and grammar.
8: The Ego.
9: The belief ever striving for denial- fulness by multiplication, is kept free by retention in this.
10: “He”, the Ego, now becomes the “Absolute.”
The Ritual and Doctrine
Lying on your back lazily, the body expressing the condition of yawning, suspiring while conceiving by smiling, that is the idea of the posture. Forgetting time with those things which were essential- reflecting their meaninglessness, the moment is beyond time and its virtue has happened.
Standing on tip-toe, with the arms rigid, bound behind by the hands, clasped and straning the utmost, the neck streched- breathing deeply and spasmodically, till giddy and sensation comes in gusts, gives exhaustion and capacity for the former.
Gazing at your reflection till it is blurred and you know not the gazer, close your eyes (this usually happens involuntarily) and visualize. The light (always an X in curious evolutions) that is seen should be held on to, never letting go, till the effort is forgotten, this gives a feeling of immensity (which sees a small form ), whose limit you cannot reach. This should be practised before experiencing the foregoing. The emotion that is felt is the knowledge which tells you why.
The death posture is its inevitability accelerated, through it we escape our unending delay by attachment, the Ego is swept up as a leaf in a fierce gale- in the fleetness of the indeterminable, that which is always about to happen becomes its truth. Things that are self-evident are no longer obscure, as by his own will he pleases, know this as the negation of all faith by living it, the end of the duality of the consciousness. Of belief, a positive death state, all else as sleep, a negative state. It is the dead body of all we believe, and shall awake a dead corpse. The Ego in subjection to law, seeks inertion in sleep and death. Know the death posture and its reality in annihilation of law- the ascension from duality. In that day of tearless lamentation the universe shall be reduced to ashes . . . . but he escapes the judgment! And what of “I,” most unfortunate man! In that freedom there is no necessitation, what dare I say more? Rather would I commit much sin than compromise myself. There are many preliminary exercises, as innumerable as sins, futile of themselves but designative of the ultimate means. The death posture in the reduction of all conception (sin) to the “Neither-Neither” till the desire is contentment by pleasing yourself. By this and by no other are the inertia of belief; the restoration of the new sexuality and the ever original self-love in freedom are attained. The primordial vacuity (or belief) is not by the exercise of focussing the mind on a negation of all conceivable things, the identity of unity and duality, chaos and uniformity, etc., etc., but by doing it now, not eventually. Percieve, and feel without the necessity of an opposite, but by its relative. Percieve light without shadow by its own colour as contrast, through evoking the emotion of laughter at the time of ecstasy in union, and by practice till that emotion is untiring and subtle. The law or reaction is defeated by inclusion. Were he to enjoy an hundred pleasures at a time, however much his ecstasy, he does not lose, but great increase takes place. Let him practise it daily, accordingly, till he arrives at the centre of desire. He has imitated the great purpose. Like this, all emotions should find equipoise at the time of emanation, till they become one. Thus by hindering belief and semen from conception, they become simple and cosmic. By its illumination there is nothing that cannot be explained. Certainly I find satisfaction in ecstasy. I have now told you a secret of great import, it was known to me in childhood. Even by sedulously striving for a vacuity of belief, one is cosmic enough to dwell in the innermost of others and enjoy them. Among men few know what they really believe or desire, let him begin, who would know, by locating his belief till he sees his will. Existing as dual, they are identical in desire, by their duality there is no control, for will and belief are ever at variance, and each would shape the other to its ends, in the issue neither wins as the joy is a covert of sorrow. Let him unite them.
The Cloudy Enemies Born of Stagnant Self-Hypnotism.
Natural belief is the intuition that compels belief through that which is experienced reacting, and dominating in turns; everything has to associate itself through its definite emotion, stimulated by those in harmony; those discordant, lose cogency and inhibit. So by its own workings belief is limited and determined for you. The majority of our actions can be traced back to a subconscious desire (for freedom) in conflict with habit, an obedience to inherent fatalism which hangs on “good and bad” actions already committed (in past existence) against a preserved morality11 and whose reaction gives expression as spontaneity, involuntariness, autonomy, the deliberate, etc., as the chance arises. The rest is due to a conflicting traditional moral doctrine that has become constitutional (partly adopted to govern and time this reaction). In its origin, an idea of what was then considered conveniently good and bad . . . . To maximize pleasure by an arbitrary compromise of abstention and performance of desire feared. Assimilated by the deceit of its divine origin, its tenets are reward for obedience, punishment for transgression, both holding good for all time (this world and another). This moral code is a dramatised burlesque of the conceptive faculty, but is never so perfect or simple in that it allows latitude for change in any sense, so becomes dissociated from evolution, etc; and this divorce loses any utility and of necessity for its own preservation and the sympathy desired, evolves contradictions or a complication to give relationship. Transgressing its commandments, dishonesty shows us its iniquity, for our justification; or simultaneously we create an excuse or reason for the sin by a distortion of the moral code, that allows some incongruity. (Usually retaing a few unforgiveable sins- and an unwritten law.) This negative confession is a feigned rationalism that allows adventitious excuses . . . . a process of self-deception to satisfy and summarily persuade yourself of righteousness. What one among us has any excuse but self-love? We do not create or confess a morality that is convenient, that lends itself to growth, and remains simple, that allows transgression without excuse or punishment. It would be wise and commonsense to do so, whatever the state of affairs in your mind. Nature eventually denies that which it affirms: Through permanent association with the same moral code we help desire to transgress. Desire of those things denied, the more you restrict the more you sin, but desire equally desires preservation of moral instinct, so desire is its own conflict (and weakly enough). Have no fear, the Bull of earth has long had nothing to do with your unclean conscience, your stagnant ideas of morality. The microbe alone would seem without fear!
11: The elemental morality or fear of displeasing.
The Complexity of the Belief (Know Thyself).
The nature of belief equals all possibilities ultimately true by identification through culture to an idea of time, so what is not timely is not true, and what is not true, prognostication. Thought of one thing, implies the possibility of another idea as contradicting but not dissociated, belief is to make “one” more convincing. The condition of belief is the denial or limit imposed on the capability of the vitality. To believe at all as such is a concentration and schooling to exclude the implied by adopting a hypothesis or faith that reflects non-worryingly or deceitfully rationalizes the rejected. Truth is not the truth of formula.
The centre of belief is love for one’s self, projecting environment for fulfilment but allowing its distortion to simulate denial, an ambition to become ulterior to self-desire, but you cannot get further than the centre, so one multiplies (believes) in order to be more unaware of the fundamental. Now this refusal to believe what one believes and exactly as one believes, is the first condition for all those who are in desire in any sense whatsoever; the man who is in love perforce becomes a liar, self-hypnotised by his morbid ornamentation. You know the results. . . . .You can only “truly believe” one thing, yet its implexion is essential (as the truth seems to kill 12), so the imagined goes on for ever. The imagination learns that the idea is its compulsion. To explain the “why” of belief (or of anything else), we must transcend its schism. By entire consciousness in how the self loves is the means. As we imitate this law of duality in all our processes of believing, it is not so simple as it seems. Who has transgressed the law of conception? Who has no fear? Yet by this sin, is the sciential of what determines the Schetic. Gracefully compelling or expecting disappointment at the time of desire is the means of locating its deceit, a consciousness that alone gives the chance of inquiry. Beyond it is something arbitrary, the pauser, the ordainer of law, imitating it by “reason” is but damning the consequences. Reason is belief, belief is fear of one’s capability, the faith that you are not even all the wonders of creation, let alone the possibility of being the creator. It is delay . . . . Belief well earns the terrible hatred of the vitality. Belief is not freedom. Belief creates its necessary experience, progress germinates in retrogression. Consider the reality is somewhere: and your belief may be too small for its habitation. Oh, ye of much faith in God, merge into it by the worship of self! Ah! foolish man, worship the glorious in freedom. When death approaches the faith in God and desire of woman will not save you, what are their use when withering and decay sets in and the body is an object of disgust? And what is the use of knowledge and charity when reality is known? Unsheathe the sword of self; ideas of the Almighty should be constantly slain and righteousness should be inquired into.
12: And does kill when feared.
Whosoever shall study his true nature a little, him does the “self” investigate with his extraordinary conduct. He can compel anything without offending. As the tendency of the most lustful ceases before publicity and death, so do morals and faith before the perfect bliss. A glimpse of the truth is born of purity of love: when the desire is without fear, when it does not desire possession. When the thought is fulfilled by vision. The fire that is all pleasure is loosed at his will, he is attraction, the cynosure of women. When the believing principle is devoid of faith, as sterile of possessing ideas of God – he is indestructible. Only when there is no fear in any form is there realisation of identity with reality (freedom). For them there is no danger in negligence, there being no discrimination. For him who is conscious of the slightest differentiation there is fear. So long as there is perception of self-reproach or conscience, there is pain germinating: there is no freedom. He who believes anything he perceives or imagines, falls into sin. By believing without feeling perturbation, forgetting ideas of external and internal, he regards everything as self, and is the consciousness of non-resistance, has no horizon: he is free. On seeing the star-lit eyes and rosebud mouths, the breasts and loins of beautiful women, you become lovingly attached, but if you fear, consider constantly that they are merely the charred flesh and bones of yourself after the torture. The space between the eternal and “self,” is it not a moral doctrine? By unbelieving all one believes and sedulously without anxiety not believing (by the “Neither-Neither” process), the principle becomes simple and cosmic enough to include what you are always desiring, and you are free to believe what was impossible. The desire is so mighty, it asks no permission, and suffers no consequences, but the ecstasy of its possession. Against it nothing can prevail, it burns up, as celluloid cast into the furnace- the old folly of promising things on behalf of an imagined “another.” At hand is the freedom of Heaven, the Way, the Truth, and the Light, and none dare say this of himself but by me, in Truth I alone am “Self,” my will unconditioned, is magical. Those who have lived much in their nature will in some degree be familiar with such a sensation, poor though it be.
Preface to Self-Love
Let us be honest! Thou art “that,” supreme in freedom, most desirable, beyond desire, untouched by the six stupifiers. The sexuality labours, so Death may harvest by desire. The elusive fancies of the senses are dangerous, because of the righteousness you have learned to obey and control them by. Hell-fire burns because you “conceived”; and will cease to hurt when you identify the Ego with all the possibilities of its qualities by believing as the “Neither-Neither” process. You are fire yet you are scorched! Because you have “willed” belief (differently or not makes no difference); the cycle of belief goes on and always obliges, so one day you must believe differently and the fire will no longer hurt- you are saved? There are other means of hurting you?
In that state which is not, there is no consciousness in any sense that thou art “that” (Kia), which is superb, beyond the range of definition: there is no temptation of freedom, “it” was not the cause of evolution. Hence “it” is beyond time, consciousness or unconsciousness, everything or nothingness, etc.; this I know through the “Neither-Neither” which is automatically beyond every conception, ever free in every sense. Perhaps “it” may not be obscure by continual afterthought and vaguely felt through the hand of innocence- but whoever understands such simple meanings? “It” is never perceived, being the imperceptible Ecstasy of the “Neither-Neither”- ever present but hidden by exhaustion through the cycle of Unity. The certainty of consciousness is always the uncertainty of the perceived or experienced in whatever state it may be, the constant doubt spelling fear, pain, decay, and the like- the cause of evolution, the eternal incompletion.
O, desire, listen! In point of virulence spiritual desire is as fatal as the sensuous. Aspiration towards a “supreme” is a network of deadly desires because of cowardice within, ergo, some unsatisfied wisdom awaiting exploitation to suffer its evolutions. There is no final wisdom- there is no final desire. How can anything end? Has to-day ever ended? These things are endlessness!
A person desires things of this world- but where is the difference of desiring the “Supreme Bliss”? Which is the more selfish? Which is nearer you? Which pleases the Creator more? Are you certain of the Creator’s will and are you sure of your own desire? Are you the Creator or just yourself, as you fondly imagine your contents?
All these desires, however mighty, you will one day incarnate- yea, photograph. These things already exist- very soon you will have spiritual photographs (unfaked) but not by the camera you use at present. The pioneer is ever the old fool. An afterthought: some spirits are already photographed- the microbes.
Are you ever free of desideratum? Belief is eternal desire!
Desire is its own cruelty, the fettering of the hand to labour in some world unknown; nothing is always dead and no thought dies, the master becomes the slave- the position is alternate; you have long believed this, it is in the flesh of your generations with the most merciless Judge! The scorn of all your reforms or the inversion of your values!
This constant curse and blasphemy- is not the relief more in the knowledge of the nascent unrelenting taskmaster?
Are not our bodies all smeared with its blood? Has not the world ever been bloody? Are not our pleasures but rest to drink the blood of slaughter? O, determined Liars, ye know not yet the lie, it may be Truth!
The Ego is desire, so everything is ultimately desired and undesirable, desire is ever a preliminary forecast of terrible dissatisfaction hidden by its ever-present vainglory. The millenium will come and quickly go. Men will be greater than the Gods they ever conceived- there will be greater dissatisfaction. You are ever what you were but you may be so in a different form!
A person or a nation, however vain or content, falls immediately into unknown and inevitable desire, consuming him little by little through those conditions- any condition!
The mind becomes firm in desire by desire as devotion, but when realized is it then eternally desirable? (or even for a period of a million years). In Heaven shall be fettered thy foot! Therefore remove the conception that desire is pure, or impure, or has completion- remove it by the “Neither-Neither.” Even whether the desire is for the exhasustion of desire by the “neither-Neither” or for realization in a wife- it is desire- its unending evolution. Therefore remove desire in any form by the “Neither-Neither.” Remove the illusion that there is Spirit and Not-Spirit (this idea has never given beneficial results). Remove all conceptions by the same means.
So long as the notion remains that there is “compulsory bondage” in this World or even in dreams there is such bondage. Remove the conception of Freedom and Bondage in any World or State by meditation on Freedom in Freedom by the “Neither-Neither.”
For this we know- Vampirism is quite well proven enough- even by the strong presumption that whenever blood-sucking is done, it is done by Vampire bats apart from the probability of it being done by a divine or human agency!
Therefore Kiaize desire by the “Neither-Neither,” the most excellent formula far beyond contentment- the all-embracing vacuum which reduces “all” to common sense and upon which this Universe rests.
Therefore believe nothing in this Book by the “Neither-Neither,” and dispel the conception of the “Neither-Neither” by the “Neither-Neither,” and belive it is “not-necessary” or the conclusion of pleasing yourself, because it “Need-not-be-Does-not-matter.”
One believes this “all the time” as the Truth of “The Will” not the thing believed, since the means to an end mean evolution to endless means.
In that most remarkable simplicity there is no beginning or end of wisdom or of anything, so how can it be related to conception and intelligence?
Self-Love as a Moral Doctrine and Virtue.
The criterion of action, is freedom of movement, timeliness of expression, pleasuring. The value of a moral doctrine is in its freedom for transgression. Simplicity I hold most precious. Are not the most simple things in the world the most perfect, pure, innocent, and their properties the most wonderful? Hence it is the source of wisdom. Wisdom is exactly happiness. In love pleasuring myself necessarily without excuse. Is this not perfection? Actions would appear unfathomable and incomprehensible, did they exhibit conformity to the great purpose. There are few who can attain to this! Who has no shame? Ecstasy in satisfaction is the great purpose. Freedom from the necessity of law, realisation by the very wish, is the ultimate goal. Law depends on two, two is uberty, millions . . . . Law is complicated. The second did not agitate, the first did not determine, nor was it compelled or proffered. Chance in sport is not prophecy; by it we have gained proficiency, sufficient to determine. . . . . Prepare for the Eternal, revert to simplicity and you are free. What man can give without impulse? Only he who has complete sexuality. The highest goodness is self-nourishment. What are we going to include as self? Perfect charity acquires, hence it benefits all things by not giving. What man can have faith without fear? Only he who has no duty to perform. When faith perishes duty to moral doctrines perishes, we are without sin and endure for ever in all-devouring love. What man can know with certainty? Only he who has effaced the necessity of learning. When teachers fall out, what is the use of learning from them? The wise are not contentious and have no dogma to expound . . . . rather are they silent as a new-born babe in feeding. What teacher can show the source of wisdom? It is because I know without learning; I know the source and can convey lessons without teaching. Knowledge is but the excrement of experience: experience its own repetition. The true teacher implants no knowledge but shows him his own superabundance. Keeping his vision clear he directs or leads him as a child to the essential. Having shown him the source of wisdom, he retires before gratitude or sentiment sets in, leaving him to fertilize as he wishes. Is not this the way of Heaven? He who trusts to his natural fund of genius, has no knowledge of its extent and accomplishes with ease, but directly he doubts, ignorance obsesses him. Doubt fertilizes in the virgin soil. He is no longer fearless but a coward to difficulties, his very learning is fear. The difference between genius and ignorance is a degree of fear. The beginning of wisdom is fear of forethought the reception of knowledge in learning. Children doubt, and abhor learning. Why, even the affection of courage results in cleverness! The difference between good and evil is a matter of profundity. Which is nearer you, self-love and its immorality or love and morals? Not conscious of desert the compeer of Heaven, and constant happiness in wisdom is the capacity of direction. From self-glorification, from self-exaltation we rise superior to the incapacity of disquieting fear: the ridiculer to destruction of humility in repentance. This “self-love” that does not give but is glad to receive is the genuine opportunity for freedom from covetousness, from the militant amusement of Heaven. He who subordinates animal instincts to reason, quickly loses control. Are not the animals we see in circuses trained by torture? And do not the animals reared in love, slay their master? The wise embraces and nourishes all things, but does not act as master. Only when passions are ruled by foreign environment are they dangers. Control is by leaving things to work out their own salvation- directly we interfere we become identified with and subject to their desire. When the Ego sees self-love- there is peace it becomes the seer. Directly we desire, we have lost all; “we are” what we desire, therefore we never obtain. Desire nothing, and there is nothing that you shall not realise. Desire is for completion, the inherent emotion that it is “all happiness,” all wisdom, in constant harmony. But directly we believe, we are liars- and become identified with pain, yet pain and pleasure are one and the same. Therefore believe nothing, and you will have reverted to a simplicity which childhood has not yet attained. The fool asks how? as we must believe in pleasure and pain. Now if we could suffer them simultaneously (pain and pleasure) and hold fast to a principle that ascends, that allows the Ego vibration above them, should we not have reached the ecstasy? Now the belief is the “Ego,” yet separates it from Heaven as your body separates you from another’s. . . . . Therefore by retaining the belief in the “not necessity” (when conceiving), the Ego is free. The emotion of laughter is exhaustion, the early suffering hence by making this emotion a “mental state” at the time of unity13 he unites pain and pleasure, suffers them simultaneously and by the “not necessity” of his belief, his conception transcends this world and reaches the absolute ecstasy. There is no place where pain or death can enter.
13: Of Sex, indeed of everything.
The idea of God is the primordial sin, all religions are evil. Self-love is its own law, which may be broken with impunity, being the only energy that is not servile, serving its ever-ready purpose. Surely it is all that is left us that has no sin and is free? Verily, it is the only thing we dare be conscious of. He that truly pleases himself is wihout virtue, and shall satisfy all men. Hate, jealousy, murder, etc., are conditions of love, even as virtue, greed, selfishness, suicide, etc., are conditions or not pleasing ones’s self. There is no sin more sickening than love, for it is the very essence of covetousness and the mother of all sin, hence it has the most devotees. Self-love only is pure and without a congregation.
He that entirely loves himself induces self-love only. In this he is inexorable, but does not offend like other men. He is akin to the great purpose, his actions explained for him, good seen of his evil, without knowing, everyone satisfied with his will. Do not Heaven and Earth unite daily in spontaneous homage to this will of self-love? No man can show greater self-love, than by giving up all he believes. Why do I value this self-love before all else? Is it not because I may be free to believe in evil, but have no thought that anything can do me injury? All is self-love, the people of the world, if they only knew, are its devotees. My new law is the great clue to life. If the world could understand this, the rotten fabric discarded, they would diligently follow the way in their own hearts, there would be no further desire for unity. . . . . Try and imagine what that implies.
May the idea of God perish and with it women: have they not both made me appear clownish? Let there be no mistake, purity and innocence is simplicity, happiness is wisdom. What is simple has no duality.
The Doctrine of Eternal Self-Love.
Now self-love is explained. It is the completion of belief. The “self” is the “Neither-Neither,” nothing omitted, indissoluble, beyond prepossession; dissociation of conception by its own invincible love is the only true, safe, and free. The desire, will, and belief ceasing to exist as separate. Attraction, repulsion, and control self contained, they become the original unity, inert in pleasure. There is no duality. There is no desire for unity. At that time, it (the dual principle) rests in its unmodified state. The belief no longer subject to conception by conceiving “self” as such by loving. At other times, it14 creates a centre, becomes its environment, identified with its ramifications, conception created, subjection to law and the insatiable desire for unity, inasmuch as the duality is unity. Servitude to law is the hatred of Heaven. Self-love only is the eternal all pleasing, by meditation on this effulgent self which is mystic joyousness. At that time of bliss, he is punctual to his imagination, in that day what happiness is his! A lusty innocent, beyond sin, without hurt! Balanced by an emotion, a refraction of his ecstasy is all that he is conscious of as external.15 His vacuity causes double refraction, “He,” the self-effulgent lightens in the Ego. Beyond law and the guest at the “Feast of the Supersensualists.” 16 He has power over life and death. 17 Save by this, he is not beyond self-reproach, verily he has loosed all the trouble of the world, the murder from the lightning. Self-love preventing the mind from concentration, is identity without form, is no thought as such; law and external influences contained, do not affect. When that giving up all belief, reflects only its meaning, then is there purity of vision, innocence of touch, ergo, self-love. Verily, verily men are born, suffer and die through their belief. Ejaculation is death. Self-love is preservation and life.
14: It the “Neither-Neither” emanates tetragrammaton of relatives, the sexes of which are evolved through their cruciform reflection and are elusive to identity. In their XXXX they produce unity XXXXX XXXXX conception. Ego generating by subdivision they embrace eternity, in their manifold ramifications is law.
15: i.e. his rainbow.
16: Chapter on self-attraction omitted.
17: This is the test. The one who doubt would naturally submit himself.
Man to invoke pleasure in his choice, subtracts from desire, his desire is partial desire, becomes sub-duple (conflict), never is his energy full. Having no true focus, he is deceived in his strength and attains a pure measure of pleasure from his body. In success how heavy is his sentence! Pleasure becomes the illusion. Through dire necessity, “his means,” he is bound to its cause and effect, and becomes a holcaust on the pyre of sentiment. This self-love is the only full energy, all else a wrapping of dissatisfaction, the hypothesis of desires which obscures.
Man in the misery of his illusions and unsatisfied desires, wings his flight to different religions, and doctrines, seeks redeception, a hypnotic, a palliative from which he suffers fresh miseries in exhaustion. The terms of the cure are new illusions, greater entanglement, more stagnant environment.
Having studied all ways and means to pleasure and pondered over them well again and again, this self-love has been found by me to be the only free, true and full one, nothing more sane, pure, and complete. There is no deceit: when by this all experience certainly is known, everything sublimely beautiful and exceedingly amiable: where is the necessity of other means? Like the drink to the drunkard everything should be sacrificed for it. This Self-love is now declared by me the means of evolving millions of ideas for pleasure without love, or its synonyms- self-reproach, sickness, old-age, and death. The Symposium of self and love. O! Wise Man, Please Thyself.
The Complete Ritual and Doctrine of Magic
Ecstasy in Self-love the Obsession
My dearest, I will now explain the only safe and true formula, the destroyer of the darkness of the World, the most secret among all secrets. Let it be secret to him who would attain. Let it cover any period of time, depending on his conception. There is no qualification18, nor ritual or ceremony. His very existence symbolising all that is necessary to perfection. Most emphatically, there is no need of repetition or feeble imitation. You are alive!
Magic, the reduction of properties to simplicity, making them transmutable to utilise them afresh by direction, without capitalization, bearing fruit many times. Know deliberation, over consciousness and concentration to be its resistance and sycophancy, the ultimate acquirement of idiotcy. Whether for his own pleasure or power, the fulfilment of desire is his purpose, he would terminate this by magic. Let him wait for a desire analogous in intensity 19, he then sacrifices this desire (or its fulfilment) to the initial desire, by this it becomes organic, the quantum. He has not attained freedom from law 20. Hence let him wait for a belief to be subtracted, that period when disillusionment has taken place 21. Verily disappointment is his chance. “This free entity of belief” and his desire are united to his purpose by the use of Sigils or sacred letters. By projecting the consciousness into one part, sensation not being manifold, becomes intensified. By the abstention of desire, except in the object, this is attained (at the psychological time this determines itself).
By non-resistance (involuntary thought and action), worry and apprehension of non-fulfilment, being transient, find no permanent abode: he desires everything. Anxiety defeats the purpose, it retains and exposes the desire. Conscious desire is non-attractive. The mind quiet and focussed, undisturbed by external images does not distort the sense impressions (there is no hallucination; it would end in imaginative fulfilment), but magnifies the existing desire, and joins it to the object in secret.
18: The means being simpicity, he is comparitively free to make his own qualifications and difficulties, i.e., many retirements are absurd and at once prove his incapacity, the non existence of what he sets about to prove. He at once sets his limit and servility.
19: Just a natural desire.
20: This is a short formula for those whose belief is full in the law, are house holders following their desires. The formula holds good for any purpose.
21: Illustration, the loss of faith in a friend, or an union that did not fulfill expectations.
Casting the Shadow.
The Ego not being totally oblivious, let him retain only and visualise the Sigil form, it is his chalice, the means of vacuity and incarnation. By the deliberation of an analogous emotion at that time, he deputises the law (reaction). Miraculous is he, balance not known in this world imitated (attained). All other consciousness annulled with safety, the vehicle strong enough for the ecstasy, he is beyond hurt. Now let him imagine an union takes place between himself (the mystic union of the Ego and Absolute). The nectar emitted, let him drink slowly, again and again22. After this astonishing experience his passion is incomparable, there is nothing in the world he will desire: unless he wills. That is why people do not understand me. The ecstasy in its emotion is omnigenous. Know it as the nectar of life, the Syllubub of Sun and Moon. Verily he steals the fire from Heaven: the greatest act of bravery in the world. Deliberation egotized, except in the refraction 23 of the ecstasy, is exposure and death, becoming a presiding obsession, control having been given to a prior experience and is over-conscious of that through it momentarily finding freedom from its native law; thus generating double personality (Insanity).
22: If it becomes physical, let him imagine another’s body, he has that sigil or its emergency. This, although not his original purpose, he will and exceedingly amiable.
23: Laughter in this case.
By these means there is no desire beyond fulfilment, no accomplishment too wonderful, depending on the amount of free belief 24.
24: It may be done by localizing desire to one sense, hence by this formula using the ear as the vehicle, one hears the most transcendental music ever conceived, being the voices and harmony of every conceivable animal and human existence and so with each sense.
Men of small pleasure and enterprise, oblivious of your purpose, fault-finding, avaricious, sinful, who cannot live without women or enjoy without pain, fearsome, inconstant, diseased, and withered, dependent, cruel, deceived, and liars, the worst of men! Know, Oh, Lord, Oh beloved Self, I have now told you of that most secret tavern where passion goes when youth has gone, where any man may drink of the nectar of all-beneficent and gratuitous ecstasy. The most pleasurable nourishment that harms no one.
Note on the Difference of Magical Obsession (Genius) and Insanity.
MAGICAL obsession is that state when the mind is illuminated by sub-conscious activity evoked voluntarily by formula at our own time, etc., for inspiration. It is the condition of Genius.
Other obsession is the “blind leading the blind,” caused by quietism, known as mediumism, an opening out of the Ego to (what is called) any external influence, elementals, or disembodied energy. A transmutated consciousness that is a resistance to “true” sub-conscious activity, it being a voluntary insanity, a somnambulation of the Ego with “no form” or control to guide it: hence its emanations are stupid in suggestion, or memories of childhood.
Obsession known as or related to insanity is an experience that is dissociated from the personality (Ego) through some sort of rejection. It is sub-crystalline, and cannot become permanently attached to the sub-consciousness, not having exhausted or completed itself by realisation. Depending on its degree of intensity and resistance shown at some time or another, the Ego has or has not knowledge of the obsession; always is its expression autonomous, divorced from personal control, power of direction and timing. Concentration determines dissociation. Enthusiasm for one object seeking completion by identification, sacrifices all else, or deliberately forgets. Its separation from the Ego (it becoming equal, or more in bulk than the rest of the consciousness, causes subdivision or “double personality”), is caused by its own intensity or by shock of resistance determined by some incompatibility of the desired or desire.
Concentration is dissatisfied desire, a conflict that can never be satisfied, because of its means. When the Ego, not appearing to have or not knowing the means of fulfilment, seeks its repudiation, repression, imaginative fulfilment, or transmutation to escape its worry. None of these is the desire’s or obsession’s annihilation, but its separation or concealment from the rest of the Ego, its premature sub-conscious existence. It is held there only when some form of resistance is active, when resistance is dormant- control is given to the presiding obsession, allowing its incarnation in, and swamping of the Ego, which has to live and perform its emotional experience. Disease and Insanity (all disease is insanity) is caused when the disembodied energy has no vital function. It is this energy which is utilised for the vitalization of Sigils.
Sigils.
The Psychology of Believing.
If the “supreme belief” remains unknown, believing is fruitless. If “the truth” has not yet been ascertained, the study of knowledge is unproductive. Even if “they” were known their study is useless. We are not the object by the perception, but by becoming it. Closing the gateways of sense is no help. Verily I will make common-sense the foundation of my teaching. Otherwise, how can I convey my meaning to the deaf, vision to the blind, and my emotion to the dead? In a labyrinth of metaphor and words, intuition is lost, therefore without their effort must be learned the truth about one’s self from him who alone knows the truth . . . . yourself.
Of what use the wisdom of Virginity to him who has been raped by the seducer, ignorance? Of what use sciences or any knowledge except as medicine? Hidden treasure does not come at the word nor by digging with your hands in the main road. Even with the proper implements and accurate knowledge of place, etc., may be but the acquisition of what you possessed long ago. There is a great doubt as to whether it is hidden, except by the strata of your experience and atmospheres of your belief.
The pertinent question now proposed by “Thee” should be asked by those desirous of some measure of genius. My answer like the mighty germ is in agreement with the universe, simple and full of deep import and for a time extremely objectionable to your ideas of good and beauty. Listen, attentively, O! Aspirant, all agog for information, to my answer, for by living the meaning thou shalt truly be freed from the bondage of constitutional ignorance. Thou must live it thyself; I cannot live it for thee.
The chief cause of genius is realization or “I” by an emotion that allows the lightning assimilation of what is perceived. This emotion is immoral in that it allows free association of knowledge without the accessories of belief. Its condition is, therefore, ignorance of “I am” and “I am not” with absent-mindedness as believing. Its most excellent state is the “Neither-Neither,” the free or atmospheric “I.”
You remember in your youth the thought “that this world is a curious place” in the emotion when you felt “why” as to whether this life is a reasonable development? What was the cause of this and of your summarily dismissing it from your mind? Again the feeling that the most commonplace object is magnificently strange and the vague emotion of co-relation between the incompatible (exhaustive arguments often see this, but always excuse it); the curiosity and shock with a more intimate association with the wonders of creation. What is it that prevents you following investigation into “what exactly is surprise,” etc.? What is the cause of your believing more in God than a dog-fight? Yet you fear dogs more than God! Where is the difference between yourself choked with disquieting piety, and the innocence of a babe? Perhaps in these is the cause of ignorance.
Belief is the fall from the Absolute. What are you going to believe? Truth seeks its own negation. Different aspects are not the truth, nor are they necessary to truth. Of its emanations which are you to strangle at birth? Are you illegitimate? You believe in right and wrong- what punishment will you determine? Can you escape the driving “Must”? Who can escape boredom- without change? Who remain single and content! What man among you is large and free enough to encompass his “self”? Your belief obfuscates lineage. Ambition is smallness- your customed environment. Remember, time is an unstudied imagination of the experienced. What may be called the early experience was its completion, so of learning there is no finis. What you learn to-morrow is determined by what you have done- the accomplished lesson of yesterday. Never learning to-day what you can do to-morrow is called loss, but is theft from time, wholesomeness and rejuvenescence. Repeat this delay again and again till you arrive at spontaneity, chance in safety. The pursuit of learning (believing) is the grotesque incubator of stupidity.
If you could truly believe, we should realise the virtue of it. We are not free to believe . . . . however much we so desire, having conflicting ideas to first exhaust. Sigils are the art of believing; my invention for making belief organic, ergo, true belief.
When by the wish to believe- it is of the necessity incompatible with an existing belief and is not realized through the inhibition of the organic belief- the negation of the wish, faith moves no mountains, not till it has removed itself. Supposing I wish to be great (is not counting that I am), to have “faith” and believe that I am, does not make me great- even were I to keep up the pretence to the end . . . . it being ceremonial insincerity, the affirmation of my incapacity. I am incapable, because that is the true belief, and organic. To believe differently is but affectation. Therefore the imagination or “faith” that I am great, is a superficial belief. The reaction and denial, caused by the troublesome effervescence of the organic incapacity. Denial or faith does not change or annihilate it, but is its reinforcement and preservation. Therefore belief, to be true, must be organic and sub-conscious. The desire to be great can only become organic at a time of vacuity, and by giving it (Sigil) form. When conscious of the Sigil form (any time but the Magical) it should be repressed, a deliberate striving to forget it, by this it is active and dominates at the unconscious period, its form nourishes and allows it to become attached to the sub-consciousness and become organic, that accomplished, is its reality and realization. He becomes his concept of greatness.
So belief becomes true and vital by striving against it in consciousness and by giving it form. Not by the striving of faith. Belief exhausts itself by confession and non-resistance, i.e., consciousness. Believe not to believe, and in degree you will obtain its existence. Timeliness depending on your morality, give to the poor. If the ambitious only knew it is as difficult to become incapable as it is to become great. They are mutual as accomplishments and equally satisfying.
The Sub-Consciousness.
ALL geniuses have active sub-consciousness, and the less they are aware of the fact, the greater their accomplishments. The sub-consciousness is exploited by desire reaching it. So consciousness should not contain the “great” desire once the Ego has wished: and should be filled with an affected ambition for something different, not vice-versa, the inevitable penalty of cowardice lurking somewhere: surely not an inglorious deceit? Genius, like heroism, is a matter of bravery- you have to forget fear, or incapacity somehow . . . . hence its expression is always spontaneous. How simple it is to acquire genius- you know the means; who will take the plunge? The learning of “How” is the eternal “Why”- unanswered! A genius is such, because he does not know how or why.
The Storehouse of Memories with an Ever-Open Door.
Know the sub-consciousness to be an epitome of all experience and wisdom, past incarnations as men, animals, birds, vegetable life, etc., etc., everything that exists, has and ever will exist. Each being a stratum in the order of evolution. Naturally then, the lower we probe into these strata, the earlier will be the forms of life we arrive at; the last is the Almighty Simplicity. And if we succeed in awakening them, we shall gain their properties, and our accomplishment will correspond. They being experiences long passed, must be evoked by extremely vague suggestion, which can only operate when the mind is unusually quiet or simple. To have their wisdom does not mean the necessity of their bodies- the body modifies in relation to “means” (we travel faster than the hunting leopard, but do not have its body), when it is the means it changes accordingly. Now, if we observe Nature, the early forms of life are wonderful in their properties, adaptablility, etc; their strength enormous, and some are indestructible. No matter what the desire is, it always is its accomplishment. A microbe has the power to destroy the world (and certainly would if it took an interest in us). If you were to dismember its limb, the mutilated part would regrow, etc. So by evoking and becoming obsessed or illuminated by these existences, we gain their magical properties, or the knowledge of their attainment. This is what already happens (everything happens at all times) though exceedingly slowly; in striving for knowledge we repel it, the mind works best on a simple diet.
The Key to Prophecy.
The law of Evolution is retrogression of function governing progression of attainment, i.e., the more wonderful our attainments, the lower in the scale of life that governs them. Our knowledge of flight is determined by that desire causing the activity of our bird etc. Karmas. Directly our desire reaches the stratum belonginging to those existences that can “fly” without wings- so shall we fly without machines. This sub-conscious activity is the “capacity,” the “knowledge”; all other we acquire is of a negative or manurial value. The virtue of learning and acquiring knowledge by the ordinary means is in its worry and disappointment, of that degree which causes exhaustion: by that the desire might accidentally reach the real abode of knowledge, i.e., the sub-consciousness. Inspiration is always at a void moment, and most great discoveries accidental, usually brought about by exhaustion of the mind. My formula and Sigils for sub-conscious activity are the means of inspiration, capacity or genius, and the means of accelerating evolution. An economy of energy and method of learning by enjoyment. A bat first grew wings and of the proper kind, by its desire being organic enough to reach the sub-consciousness. If its desire to fly had been conscious, it would have had to wait till it could have done so by the same means as ourselves, i.e., by machinery. All genius has an hypothesis (usually natural) in the form of a hobby, which serves to restrain and occupy the conscious mind, to prevent its interference with spontaneous expression. The great Leonardo’s mathematics, etc., served to “Deceive” him as such an hypothesis (and as Sigils). Our lives are full of the Symbolism of those predominating Karmas we are governed by. All ornament, useless dress, etc., are such (they please people because they feel the identification), and the means of locating them (Karmas). The symbolism of crowning a man King, is that he, resembling God (on earth), has reached the lowest strata of his sub-consciousness (those one-cell organisms if you like), which predominate as governing his functions. (Of course, those crowned Kings are never such, they symbolise the “hope,” not the reality.) Hence the floral nature of and precious stones in design of the crown relate to first principles. He is King who has reached the dual principle in its simplicity, the first experience which is all experience . . . . he has no need of crowns and kingdoms.
By Sigils and the acquirement of vacuity, any past incarnation, experience, etc., can be summoned to consciousness. It may even happen in sleep in the form of dreams, but this means is very difficult. (Chapters on day and night dreaming for pleasure omitted.)
Total vacuity is difficult and unsafe for those governed by morality, complexes, i.e., whose belief is not entirely self-love. Hence this desideratum of Sigils, etc.
Know all ritual, ceremony, conditions, as arbitrary (you have yourself to please), a hindrance and confusion; their origin was for amusement, later for the purpose of deceiving other from knowing the truth and inducing ignorance; and as always happens their high priests were the more deceived themselves. He who deceives another deceives himself much more. Therefore know the Charlatans by their love of rich robes, ceremony, ritual, magical retirements, absurd conditions, and other stupidity, too numerous to relate. Their entire doctrine a boastful display, a cowardice hungering for notoriety; their standard everything unnecessary, their certain failure assured. Hence it is that those with some natural ability quickly lose it by their teaching. They can only dogmatise, implant and multiply that which is entirely superficial. Were I a teacher I should not act as master, as knowing more, the pupil could lay no claim to discipleship. Assimilating slowly, he would not be conscious of his learning, he would not repeat the vital mistake; without fear he would accomplish with ease. The only teaching possible is to show a man how to learn from his own wisdom, and to utilise his ignorance and mistakes. Not by obscuring his vision and intention by righteousness.
Sigils. Belief with Protection.
Magickal Obsession.
I will now explain their creation and use; there is no difficulty about it, how pure and clear it all is 25. Out of love for my foolish devotees I invented it. All desire, whether for Pleasure, Knowledge, or Power, that cannot find “Natural” expression, can by Sigils and their formula find fulfilment from the sub-consciousness. Sigils are the means of guiding and uniting the partially free belief26 with an organic desire, its carriage and retention till its purpose served in the sub-conscious self, and its means of reincarnation in the Ego. All thought can be expressed by form in true relation. Sigils are monograms of thought, for the government of energy (all heraldry, crests, monograms, are Sigils and the Karmas they govern), relating to Karma; a mathematical means of symbolising desire and giving it form that has the virtue of preventing any thought and association on that particular desire (at the magical time), escaping the detection of the Ego, so that it does not restrain or attach such desire to its own transitory images, memories and worries, but allows it free passage to the sub-consciousness.
25: By this system, you know exactly what (you believe) your Sigil must relate to. If you used any form stupidly, you might possibly “conjure up” exactly what you did not want- the mother of insanity, or what always happens then, nothing at all. This being the only system, any result other than by it is accidental. Also you do not have to dress up as a traditional magician, wizard or priest, build expensive temples, obtain virgin parchment, black goat’s blood, etc., etc., in fact no theatricals or humbug.
26: Free belief or energy, i.e., a disappointed desire, not yet an obsession.
Sigils are made by combining the letters of the alphabet simplified. Illustration27, the word “Woman” in Sigil form is (example) or (example) or (example) etc. The word tiger (example) or (example) etc., etc. The idea being to obtain a simple form which can be easily visualised at will, and has not too much pictorial relation to the desire. The true method has a much greater virtue, which cannot be explained briefly, being the secret of thought form, as degrees of suggestion, and what exactly is in a name. We have now agreed as to how a Sigil is made, and what virtue it has. Verily, what a person believes by Sigils, is the truth, and is always fulfilled. This system of Sigils is believed by taking it up as a hobby at a time of great disappointment or sorrow. By Sigils I have endowed fools with wisdom, made the wise fools, giving health to the sick and weak, disease to the strong, etc. Now, if for some purpose, you wanted the strength of a tiger- you would make a sentence such as:- “This my wish to obtain the strength of a tiger.” (Message from person who typed up this file: In constructing the sentence of desire, beginning with “This my will,” has been said by some to be more efficacious.) Sigilized this would be:-
This my wish (illustrative example of this part of the sentence)
To obtain (ditto)
The strength of a Tiger (same as said above)
Combined as one Sigil (example) or (more simplified example).
27: There are six methods of Sigils employed in this book, each corresponding to different strata. The one shown here is illustrative and the fundamental idea of them all, from which anyone can evolve his own system. Conditions, etc., or necessity subsequently evolve themselves. Also a person has more power of creation and originality with a limited means of expression.
Now by virtue of this Sigil you are able to send your desire into the subconsciousness (which contains all strength); that having happened, it is the desire’s realization by the manifestation of the knowledge or power necessary.
First, all consciousness except of the Sigil has to be annulled; do not confuse this with concentration- you simply conceive the Sigil any moment you begin to think. Vacuity 28 is obtained by exhausting the mind and body by some means or another. A personal or traditional means serves equally well, depending on temperament; choose the most pleasant; these should be held in favour, Mantras and Posture, Women and Wine, Tennis, and the playing of Patience, or by walking and concentration on the Sigil, etc., etc. None is necessary to him who has (even symbolically) for a moment by the “Neither-Neither” conquered the dual principle (Conception), his Ego is free from gravity. If the Sigil is made an obsession by continual apprehension, its realization may happen at any moment, in the form of inspiration. This is done by reverting the mind to the Sigil when one is extremely worried- the time of exhaustion is the time of fulfilment. At the time of exhaustion or vacuity, retain only and visualize the Sigil form- eventually it becomes vague, then vanishes and success is assured. by the Ego conceiving only the Sigil, and not being able to conceive anything from it, all energy is focussed through it, the desire for identification carries it to the corresponding sub-conscious stratum, its destination. The Sigil being a vehicle, serves the purpose of protecting consciousness from the direct manifestation of the (consciously unacknowledged) obsession, conflict is avoided with any incompatible ideas and neither gains separate personality. It (the obsession) is either gradually assimilated and becomes organic or returns to its original abode, its purpose of illumination served. Hence the mind, by Sigils, depending upon the intensity of desire, is illuminated or obsessed (knowledge or power) from that particular Karma (the sub-conscious stratum, a particular existence and knowledge gained by it) relative to the desire, but not from memory or experience which was recent. Knowledge is obtained by the sensation, resulting from the unity of the desire and Karma. Power, by its “actual” vitalization and resurrection.
28: This is not the passivity of mediumism which opens the mind to what is called external influence- disembodied energy usually having no better purpose than to rap-tables. There are many means of attaining this state of vacuity: I mention the most simple, there is no need for crucifixion. Drugs are useless. Smoking and laziness the more difficult.
This knowledge leaves its stratum in company with the energy or desire returning to the Ego. It escapes the Ego’s resistance by associating with similar images, memories, or experiences relative (recieved in this life), that the mind contains, and crystalizes itself by their symbolism. Hence most illumination is symbolic, and must be subsequently translated.
[Chapters on Symbolism, Automatic Drawing As Means To Art, & Note on Sacred Letters omitted.]
On Myself.
Conceiving, thou hast given no sign of life. In claiming thee, labor of creating value, is nothing worth holding, nothing satisfying; the realization of thy inhibition all? By self-effacement would seem a reality. This self, how empty! how prolific of incompleteness! In self-denial its stimulation to simulate reality . . . . more and more comes out- these ugly mists of illusion are parental, the cause of Heaven’s hatred! That is why I fear to believe in God, subordination to an attribute, an idea of Self is not freedom of love!
Probably Almighty is he who is unconscious of the idea of God. Now may the fierceness of my unity be “Thy” silence and for me no longer a query or labour to espouse my doubt. Yet mankind for ever doubts, quirks, and for every pleasure pays, till he becomes millionary: the punishment shall fit the appraisement of his capitalization, there is that fear! The rich in dross, to cheat his conscience, affects humility, speaks of himself as “poor,” his possessions as “burdens,” or of “small account”!
Of what consolation the truth in the day of weary waiting and watching, the restless striving, the imprisonment, the rack, the horrors of every conceivable torture? When he becomes accustomed, loses reality, and no longer deterred, will he then create God and miseries afresh?
Oh, folly of the world, deny thy faith, renounce this Bloody-Sceptred God and confess. The completion of folly is the beginning of childhood, but of knowledge, there is no end. It was the straying that found the path direct. From childhood, I have never denied my invincible purpose. Oh, silent watcher, thou sleepless eye of the Universe, watch over the beginning of all my ideas.
The misery of the world would seem eternal, whilst I, in the midst, like an infant not yet smiling, am impervious in purity (of self-love) but I dare not claim its service! I am in eternal want of realization, poor though I be, my contentment is beyond your understanding. An opinionist, I fear to advocate an argument or compromise myself by believing my own doctrines as such . . . . may they ever be their own expurgers!
Fearsome of knowledge, may my belief be its emptiness, yea, ignorance! From my daring to believe religions, doctrines, creeds, so shall I hold the jewel of truth. So cautious am I, simultaneously do I deny that which I affirm, and hold fast to the “not-necessity,” by paradox superseded, without antecedent, spontaneous, I revert to the Absolute, watch my intoxication and control- the reaction of Karma. How easy is the Way, it would seem as though nothing should be said but all unsaid! May my words be few and pregnant! Alas, the futility of the idea of God has not yet reached its limit, all men liars, appear striving for insanity as its climax: while I alone as one prematurely aged, reason tottering on its throne, remain sane, in positive chastity, confessing no conscience, no morals- a virgin in singleness of purpose.