I am floating upward and I see my self with people all around me and they are trying to restart my heart. Then everything goes black again and I “flash” into the blue room in my mind. I am dragging myself toward the healing pool as I am hurt badly and I struggle over the short wall and “flop” into the pool. In my mind, I close my eyes and submerge under the green bubbling water and just think “Heal yourself! Heal yourself!” When I open my eyes again I am back in the lab. Laying on my back on the table looking up at the ceiling again. I struggle to sit up and the lab is now empty and I fall back on my back again.
I try and swing my legs over the edge I do and I fall off the table and hit the floor. I try to get up but my legs cannot support me and I fall to the floor again. “GET UP” I am saying to myself self “GET UP!!! YOU F*CKING SON OF A BITCH, STAND UP AND WALK”, it was like being hit in the head with a baseball bat when you are extremely drunk. The world is spinning, but somehow your instinct takes over and all you want to do is getaway.
I head for the door as fast as I can. This turns out to be not very fast as I am trying to walk but cannot, it was more of a crawl. I make it to the door, and turn down the hallway, within moments they are all around me. Astonished that I’m first of all alive and secondly that I have moved at all like I am even less than a lab rat, they stand around and start discussing me, as I’m trying to crawl with every ounce of strength I have. I am collapsed in a ball on the floor with my face stuck in the crack where the wall meets the floor. And as I hear them talking I cannot help my self and I start to cry uncontrollably “PLEASE! PLEASE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE” I beg.
And the bastard in the blue lab coat says “get him back in the lab now!” And they pick me up and bring me back, and strap me back onto the table. But I don’t remember anything after that. Another time they put me in a tank of water and sealed the top, to see if I could breathe underwater. The first few times I managed to escape before I drowned to death. But then they finally got a tank that I could not break and had a sealed top.
I remember violently trying to get out but could not. I drowned and I blackout, I see my body again, as I am floating above it again. This time they are pumping my chest trying to get the water out of my lungs.
I see my face, my eyes and my mouth are open. And again I flash to the healing pool and flop myself in (at some point I don’t know exactly when I had added a little “handicapped” ramp to the pool so I wouldn’t have as much trouble when I had to enter the pool) but again when I opened my eyes I am looking at the ceiling again. I would always try to get up and try to run down the hall and they would always tackle me before I could escape. The dimensions of how far I was actually going were very unclear. Very blurry and hazy around the edges. It seemed to take forever to get anywhere, and they seemed to move much faster than I could.
But each time I got a little further down the hall and I was a little stronger when I came out of it. I remember this happening several times. With both the water tank and the electroshock experiments. The dying and coming back to life. Just like with airplanes to get the funding. Seeing my body and then automatically going right to the healing pool. And the healing pool would always somehow bring me back.
They were trying to see what I was capable of doing. They were obsessed with asking me if I could move the object with my mind. If I could float in the air. If I could make objects float in the air. What they were trying to do was to place a suggestion in my subconscious and then see if I could do it. See if I really believed that I could do it. Like telling me that I could breathe underwater and then locking me in a tank until I drowned and then revive me again. Telling me that I could fly, and then push me off a ledge.
Things like that. Here is the limitation as to what I could do and what I couldn’t do as best as I can figure out. You see I had already learned as a child that humans physically cannot breathe underwater, and humans physically cannot fly. I already knew this and it was embedded too far in my thought process to be removed. So even with their hypnosis and conditioning somewhere deep down inside me, I knew that I could not do these things. So naturally, I could not do them when they asked me to. However, what they could do is “fool” my mind.
Telling me things like I had an egg in my hand and to crush it when in reality it would be a tennis ball or a can of soda. Fooling my mind into thinking that everything I jumped off of was only as high as a footstool. Fooling my mind into believing that I could run as fast as a cheetah and be as agile as a gazelle. Fooling my mind into believing that when I shot a gun I was a computerized robot that shot with pinpoint accuracy. It is more difficult for an adult to learn a foreign language than it is for a child because the adult mind is already “structured” in may ways.
Adults already seem to know the limits of their capabilities and potential, and most NEVER strive to be anything more than what the parameters of the society in which they belong to and have grown up in bind to them. Take for example inner-city blacks, most truly believe that they will never escape the grasp of the ghetto, so most accept this as a fact and don’t even try to escape through some other avenue. Such as trying to do well in high school and trying somehow to get into college, or by learning a trade or high paying skill, or by some other “legal” avenue.