But from somewhere inside me my true self, because my will is so strong, would fight through whatever they were doing to me and I would punch holes through the alternate reality platform they had built in my mind and I would freak out and start fighting them. I must have killed at least 15 of their men who would try and stop me once I started. When I would freak out no matter where I was, I was getting the hell out of where I was and if you tried to stop me it was not a good idea to get in the way.
I always would end up running back to my dorm room (where my roommate was one of the controllers) running back to home where I felt “safe” and I would simply go to sleep or even stay up a while and watch television but the memories of what just happened seemed to disappear as soon as I got “home“, it was like my subconscious would overrule my conscious mind and trick me into believing that this “horror” wasn’t really happening (I guess it was a kind of denial if you will, whether it was a programmed response or not I don’t know).
I remember when they would have me under their control the best way to describe it would be like being locked in a room with no doors and no way out and all there are these two huge windows in which you can see everything. Like riding in a giant robot and seeing out the eyes. You can walk around the little room but there is nothing but bare smooth walls and all you can do is watch.
You can scream, kick, and beat the walls as hard as you want. But all you can do is ride in the body and watch what happens. But again somehow I would manage to escape from the little room and that is when I would “freak out” as I would regain control of my body. One time they had me at a base somewhere, I believe in Virginia, and after I escaped the facility somehow I was back in my room in Rochester New York 20 minutes later. Later, they came and got me and brought me back to the lab. They had me securely chained to a chair (literally) and they had said the “magic word” and I was in some sort of trance or altered state.
I also may have been drugged but I don’t think so because the thing is the drugs they were giving to me I eventually built up a defense to. They would no longer have any effect on me as the machine I had built in my mind to counter any and all invasions of my body simply told my subconscious that these drugs would no longer have any effect on me. Subsequently, they would give me enough of whatever it was they were giving me (it would be enough to knock out three elephants) but it would have no effect on me and that’s why they eventually had to resort to literally chaining every inch of my body to a solid steel chair so I could not escape again.
They asked me how I did it, how I ended up in my room and I remember telling them with a big smile on my face as I was proud of what I did, “time travel“. I have no idea how I did it but somehow I opened a portal using only my mind, entered this black hole, walked around for a while (I seemed somehow to know exactly where I was going) and then exited through another one and I was standing in front of my dorm room. I remember punching a hole in the fabric of time and then punching another one to get back.
They repeatedly asked me how I did it and I would not tell them. I remember telling them that it was much too dangerous because I had already made two holes in the fabric of time and if the holes somehow began to tear, and if the fabric of time actually “tore off” and ripped in half completely, life as we know it would be over as reality would go spinning off into infinity. So no matter what, I was not going to tell them (I had absolutely no knowledge of what previously happened and what they were doing at Montauk, camp Hero, at all). But the fabric of time I remember being – and this is very difficult to explain – being the most fragile and intricate thing I have ever felt. It was like a burlap type of weave made out of material as fine as spider silk.
You could rip a hole through with your hand just by touching it, but as soon as you did it you knew that there was absolutely no hope of repairing it because the material was so fine and the weave so intricate it seemed to disintegrate as soon as you touched it. Anyway, I fought them every step of the way and they were going to use me to kill every one of their enemies until they ruled the world. But what I did way back in the beginning when they were prepping me and conditioning me for the assassinations, they tried to tell me that this was all for my country and that it was for the good of mankind.