For almost five years these pages have consisted almost exclusively of the original, verbatim transcripts from the “superluminal communication” sessions with “us in the future,” also known as the Sixth Density Light Beings In Service to Others, the Cassiopaeans.
Having seen so many examples of “Voices of Higher Beings” falling into corruption through ego or anticipations and expectations of others, I endeavored with fervent determination to keep myself, my ego, my story and anything of a personal nature OUT of the content.
However, a recent correspondent with my husband, Dr. Arkadiusz Jadczk, wrote the following regarding these pages:
“…I visited your wife’s site and found your physics page there. It’s a pity it can’t be linked to your other site… it’s one of your best pages.”
(The director of the University where Ark is the Head of the Department of Nonlinear Dynamics and Complex Systems ordered him to remove any mention of the Cassiopaeans from his Uni web site as well as any links).
The correspondent continued:
“Now, if someone wants to do physics, you would no doubt advise them to get a good grounding in maths. Not weird math’s, traditional math’s.
“So, why would someone like yourself, who is not afraid of expanding the scope of physics into quasi-religious areas, dabble with WEIRD religion?
“Conventional religion is just like conventional math’s. It’s where we should automatically go. Conventional religion is simply a matter of openness to God, if he exists, and asking him to download some software if he exists…
“I can understand your reluctance to consider simple religion, living as you do in a Catholic country with a lot of distasteful religious practices all around. But what would you tell a physics student who avoided Fourier transforms because they were ‘distasteful‘?” (name of correspondent withheld)
(The writer is unaware that we live in the United States.)
I was not shocked by this rather mild criticism of the Cassiopaean communication – I have certainly heard much worse. But what it DID DO was push me to reconsider my decision to tell nothing of myself, to let the material stand or fall on its own merit. For some, that is enough – they can read and know – but for others, all the questions and criticisms must be answered. And that is what I will now do.
Yes, if someone wants to study physics, they must begin in a standard way. But, as noted by the above correspondent, one must then NOT BE AFRAID TO EXPAND THE SCOPE of their investigations. The same principle is true of religion and is clearly explicated in the Parable of the Talents. The parable of the talents is prefaced by the phrase:
“Now, knowledge of the kingdom is like unto a certain man who went on a journey…” and he called his three servants together and gave them each a certain number of talents. The talents represent knowledge. Two of the servants invested their talents. They were willing to take risks and give up what they had to get more. The third was afraid of losing the little he had and he buried his talent. So, the two increased their knowledge by repeatedly giving up and getting back more.
The master came back and the two showed how they had made a killing on the market and the master was pleased. But the servant who had buried his talent said:
“Master, I knew you were a hard man and you reaped where you did not sow and I was afraid…” The master cast him into outer darkness. And, remember, we are talking about knowledge. He took his little bit of knowledge and he closed himself off and hung onto that little bit for dear life…
I have lived this parable. Very often, the decision to “give up” what I held dearly as “truth” was VERY painful. But, gradually, as I became experienced in being truly open-minded, it was easier and easier to trust the universe to lead me where I needed to go; both for myself, and for other people.
I was brought up in a very Christian environment. I come from a long line of Protestant Ministers of the Church, from Quakers to Baptists to Methodists. One of my ancestors came to America with William Penn. One was fined his horse for refusing to fight in the army. Most of them, in fact, came to America before the Revolution, to escape religious persecution. As a result, I have spent years in “Standard” churches.
At an early age, I resolved to “find God.” It was a burning passion for me. My internal operating system simply demanded that I really needed to “know” Him. I was avid in my Sunday School studies and devoted to my prayer life.
As I grew and studied, I became aware of many contradictions and discrepancies in the “Standard Religion,” and many anomalous events of my life were inexplicable in these terms. I constantly prayed for guidance and support, and it became increasingly clear that I was being guided to learn to study in a deeper way.
At the same time, I was VERY aware of the pain and suffering all over the planet, and it seemed that I was cursed with the burden of acutely “tuning in” to and feeling this cosmic pain. I suffered from every starving child, every grieving parent, every pain-racked victim of man’s inhumanity to man. I prayed constantly for the pains of the world to be ameliorated. But everywhere I looked, there was misery.
Where was God in all this? I was beginning to wonder. I wasn’t getting much in the way of results with the “standard” religion in terms of the “Hotline to Heaven, and it was clear that I needed a dialogue with God. He was, after all, my Father, wasn’t he? Didn’t I have a right to his love and attention like all others who claimed to be so full of joy because of their faith in God? What had I done wrong that I was denied this claimed “connection” to the One who was proclaimed to be perfect in His Love and Knowledge and all the rest? What did I have to do to be worthy?
If I could only find out, I would do it! I really needed to know! Do I need to pray more? Sacrifice something that I liked? I didn’t have much in my life that WAS pleasant, but I would willingly give up what little I had just to feel the touch of God’s breath on my cheek.
Was that asking too much? How about just a little, teensy, tiny sign to assure me that YOU exist? Something to hold on to? A straw, for God’s sake! I’m drowning here! This is NOT a pleasant place! Sure! We are taught that all this suffering will bring us a “Crown of Glory,” if we just have faith… but what is this thing called “Faith?” do I have it? Can I have more?
So, since God wasn’t answering my prayers to ease the burdens of the world, and I could see he wasn’t answering the prayers of others who were making similar prayers, and we were all contributing to missionary efforts, I determined to find what the story was here. If God wasn’t answering, there must be a reason. And, if there was a reason, only God could tell me. So, since God seemed to be hiding, I determined to find out how to get to Him!
This became my over weaning goal and objective. But, how does one go about “finding” God? Well, if one wants to learn physics, one studies math. If one wants to learn about God, one studies religion. This seemed the natural place to start. Standard religion; start with what you know.
I was raised Methodist, but with some evangelical leanings, and the most sacred dogma of my childhood was that the Bible was the WORD OF GOD! And that was that.
Well, okay, I LOVE GOD, and this makes me want to be close to Him, and in order to get close, I need to know what pleases Him so He will WANT me close and will talk to me… so, the logical step is to READ THE BIBLE!
Well, I had already read the Bible mostly, but not in a systematic and studious way as I was now proposing to myself. If the Bible was the Word of God, I wanted to ingest, to breathe, to LIVE with every single word. I was HUNGRY for God!
I read the King James Version since that was standard. I read it through, from start to finish; more than once. I couldn’t help but notice that there SEEMED to be some considerable contradictions and puzzles. But, in a standard way, I sought answers to these puzzles from the theological community.
I decided that the Bible was not contradictory, it was just me that did not understand it properly. Clearly, I needed to gain an understanding that was deeper that would resolve these conflicts. The obvious place to look for such answers seemed to be to read books that explained the Bible, that could explain the history of the times, the customs, the people, the archaeology and so forth. So, I began to read such books.
Naturally, I only read books by Christian authors. I reasoned that only Christians could write about Christianity as only Christians could “understand” the Bible. After all, this was pretty much a doctrine of faith.
As I read, I discovered, to my dismay, a vast realm of disagreement among theologians as to how to interpret “difficult passages.” I also learned that much of this disagreement was due to linguistic problems. When one read the King James Version of the Bible, one was reading something translated from Hebrew and Greek into old Latin, and from the Latin of the Vulgate, translated into English – only it was the English of the 1600s, which was, as I learned, a pretty limited vocabulary.
I remember a particular incident that really drove this point home. A rather famous radio minister was preaching a sermon based on Acts 28:13 where the KJV says, starting with verse 11, “And after three months we departed in a ship of Alexandria, which had wintered in the isle, whose sign was Castor and Pollux. (12) And landing at Syracuse, we tarried there three days. (13)And from thence we fetched a compass and came to Rhegium: and after one day the south wind blew, and we came the next day to Puteoli…“
Well, this particular pastor decided to use this verse as an allegory of needing the “compass of God” in order to find one’s way when the winds of life threaten to buffet the faithful. He kept driving home the point about how the apostle did not rely on his own direction but bought a compass, and the reason for this story to be in the Bible was to set just this example.
I wasn’t altogether sure that compasses existed at that period of time, and I wondered about this passage, so I did some research. What I discovered was that the real meaning of “from thence we fetched a compass,” was “from there we made a circuit” or sailed in a circle, following the coastline, and that it was an Elizabethan nautical term!
This, of course, created a problem in my mind. If the Bible was the Holy Word of God, ought we not, as faithful believers, discover EXACTLY what those words meant so that we would not fall into errors of understanding? This seemed pretty simple and logical to me. I brought the issue up with my Minister and was set down in a pretty firm manner. I was told that, in the first place, the Holy Spirit “reveals” the truth to the faithful if they will only pray for guidance, and in this particular case, the guidance was given to use this passage in this way.
Further, I was told, it was not necessary to be “informed as to the vagaries of translation,” because of this very reason, and if a person begins to question their pastor or teachers of the “faith,” and to question the Bible itself, then it was clear that these questions were being stimulated by Satan and, consequently, I was in “grave danger” and needed to do a LOT of praying to save myself from falling into this pit!
Naturally, I was frightened by this pronouncement. I searched my conscience and carefully monitored and examined every thought and feeling, searching for the inroads made by Satan. I prayed diligently and fervently. I mean, God said it, I believed it and that settled it! It was a closed, comfortable system with no ambiguities. And I could see that the system was a good one: it caused people to be kind, honest, sacrificing of personal comfort for others, loyal and so forth. Devotion to these values was a hallmark of the faith along with the confidence of the “rightness” of their belief.
But, as I struggled with this issue, it was becoming increasingly clear that nothing could be allowed to challenge the system and this troubled me. What was so fragile about it that it could not withstand questions and challenges?
I plunged into a veritable frenzy of prayer and fasting that was intended to extirpate these questions from my mind. I saw them as the influence of Satan – that a mind that sought knowledge was a curse – and doubt was the wide road to Hell.
One Sunday during this time, I was sitting in church during the Pastoral prayer. I was praying hard along with the Minister that God would send the Holy Ghost to me to help me understand all that I needed to understand.
Suddenly, I heard a buzzing noise, or a crackling sound, similar to the sound of bacon sizzling in the pan, and the voice of the pastor and the resonant “amen’s” from the congregation became very far away and metallic sounding exactly as if I were hearing them broadcast from a loudspeaker underwater.
This shocked me and my eyes snapped open to see if my vision was impaired because I thought I might be having a stroke or something. I was completely dismayed to see that the Minister, standing at the podium, gripping the stand with both hands, his eyes closed and his head thrown back in the profound drama of his praying, was overlayed with a shimmering, living, an image of a WOLF!
It was exactly as if a film was being projected onto him where the image of the wolf, in full color, was a sort of “alter ego” and all the expressions of the pastor were corrupted and twisted by the matching expressions of the wolf, When the Minister would move his hands or shake his head, so did the wolf. Every move of the Minister’s mouth was exactly matched by the gaping jaws of the toothsome figure from Hell! It was not a solid figure, it was a “projection of light,” so to speak.
I quickly looked around the sanctuary to see if this was a complete delusion, and was shocked to see similar “overlays” on all the people there. Many of them were sheep, but there were also pigs and cows and other creatures represented.
I was HORRIFIED! I was sure that the Devil had me now for sure! Here I was, in the middle of the church, seeing our beloved Minister in the guise of a WOLF! It was damnation for certain!
I closed my eyes and prayed harder. The sound anomaly continued and I opened my eyes to peek again. The wolf was still there dramatizing the mellifluously intoned pastoral prayer.
I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and prayed and prayed and rebuked Satan and finally began to just repeat the Lord’s prayer over and over again to drive this image from my reality. Soon, it began to taper off and die away and when I opened my eyes again, the wolf was gone and I was VERY relieved to have won this battle with Satan.
A couple of Sundays later, we arrived a little late, expecting the services to be already started. We were surprised to see the congregation all gathered outside the church door, milling about like lost sheep. We discovered that the Minister had done a “midnight flit,” so to speak, leaving the church in a bad way, having embezzled a huge amount of money from the funds that were supposed to pay the bills for the building and supply the various organizations. There was even a bill for dock rent for a rather large yacht that the church was also paying for, unbeknownst to all the members. All the expensive furnishings of the luxurious parsonage were gone, the mortgages on both buildings were on the verge of foreclosure, the electricity was about to be shut off… and the Minister and his family were gone to parts unknown.
I was stunned. I realized that my “vision” was exactly what I had been praying for: the Holy Spirit revealing the “truth” to me, and I had rebuked it and cast it away!
This resulted in a shift in my faith in my own ability to be “in touch” with God, or whoever was in charge of this Universe. Clearly, I had been shown the truth under the surface, and my self-doubts and belief in the authority of others had interfered with my communion with the Holy Spirit.
So, this gave my studies a little boost. I understood an essential thing: if you truly pray for guidance, deeply and sincerely, it WILL come, but it may not be what you want to hear or believe and it may go against what others are saying or teaching.
But this, of course, raised other questions. The most dominant was how was one to tell when it was a misleading influence and how to tell if it was truly a Divine Revelation? If a number of people are claiming that the “Holy Spirit” is giving them revelations, and these revelations are contradictory, then somebody is wrong or all of them are wrong. And we have only our knowledge and reason with which to analyze and compare.
In Christianity, we generally find a rejection of knowledge and reason. Nothing is allowed to challenge the system No ambiguity can be tolerated. All who believe differently are a threat; therefore, we must keep up our guard against them and their father, Satan, or at the very least, convert them to our way of thinking. One way to prove that we are “right” is to convert others to our view!
This leads to another thing about my religion that really bothered me. My protestant family was appalled when my uncle married a Catholic and his sister converted to Catholicism. According to many protestant religions, Catholics are members of the “Church of Satan,” the “Great Whore of Babylon.” But I could clearly see that these Catholic Aunts of mine were far better Christians than the “saved” members of my immediate family. This exclusion by virtue of a single point of doctrine, being “born again,” struck me as a VERY judgmental and un-Christian attitude. It also brought up the standard questions about what happens to those people who never have the opportunity to “hear the word and be saved.” That did NOT bespeak a loving and merciful God!
But, at some point, honesty and sincerity of the heart, if it exists in a person, will cause them to question the correctness of this view. Honesty made me ask questions, and the evasiveness of the answers, or the attacks directed against me because of the very asking, gradually removed the scales from my eyes and I began to see. I began to see the “standard religion” for what it truly is: a CULT.
In the beginning, I believed that the Bible was infallible, inspired, “God Given” book. Every jot and title were the very words of God. To question this was a sin. God was not the author of doubt.
However, after the experience discussed above, and other similar visions that were more personal, I began to read and think and doubt.
Tennyson wrote:
“There lives more faith in honest doubt, believe me, than in half the creeds.”
The death of Christ, the sacrifice that he supposedly made: was it true? The standard Christian religion says that Jesus died for the sins of all. Then he rose again after merely three days in the grave, exactly as he predicted that he would (if you accept the myth).
Well, as one apostate theologian wrote:
“My friend, I would give MY life for a good cause if I KNEW that I was coming back in three days! Where is the ‘sacrifice?'”
Jesus said: “ask and ye shall receive.” Christians pray about things they wish to see happen or about things they wish to have. If the things they are praying about come about, everyone praises God. If the things do not come about, then “it just isn’t God’s will.” But, with such a handy explanation for EITHER result, it reduces prayer to “six of one, half a dozen of the other.” What will be, will be. Why pray? Why not just do your best and hope for a good outcome? And, when you think about this, you realize that you are praying to someone for whom you have to make EXCUSES! “Maybe it wasn’t God’s will.” Or, “We don’t have enough faith for God to act.” Or “God will act in His own time and not ours.” Or “The ways of God are a mystery.” Excuses, excuses, excuses!
Jesus promised:
“If any two of you shall agree and ask… it shall be done.” (Matt 18:19)
That’s a PROMISE. What do you want or need? Just ask! But it doesn’t work and you know it!
The Letter of James says:
“If there are any who are sick… call the elders… They will pray and the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up.”
That doesn’t work either – or only works sometimes…. exactly as often as it works for people who DON’T pray to Jesus, or who pray to any of a variety of Gods or Goddesses.
These promises are taught to little children in Sunday School as TRUTH. They are promoted as divine teaching by a Savior who cares and loves, as promises that an all-powerful, omniscient, perfectly loving God can and WILL perform. And worse yet:
little children are inculcated with a feeling of intrinsic guilt and unworthiness because of “Original Sin.” Every human attribute they possess, and everything natural is twisted and distorted and repressed for being the “Curse of Eve.“
This naturally imposes a double burden on women. As long as women regard the Bible as the “charter of their rights,” they will be the slave of men. For women, there is no escape from the degrading teachings of the Bible.
I say again:
- Christianity is a CULT.
- A cult has certain peculiarities, things one can and cannot do, things one must believe and pledge allegiance to.
- In Christianity, we are told a diverse set of things we should and should not do, most especially, how we must believe and in what.
- A cult does not save anyone from anything – it enslaves.
- A cult does not bring peace, it brings conflict.
- A cult is not freedom, it is bondage.
- Christians claim that Jesus saves.
What does he save you from?
- Lying? There are lots of folks who are not Christian who do not lie.
- Does he save you from adultery? Only you can save yourself from adultery.
- Does Jesus save you from cheating? Lots of “born again” folks aren’t saved from that because, of all things, they cheat themselves.
If we take away the “standard religion,” what do we have left?
Our correspondent wrote: [One] who is not afraid of expanding the scope of physics into quasi-religious areas….”
So, without religion, we have a person who believes in their God-given personal strengths and weaknesses, a person who seeks always to strengthen the weaknesses and to moderate and use wisely the strengths. We have a person who believes in the worth and dignity of every individual and who does not classify people according to their beliefs, their lifestyles or other criteria.
Jesus said:
“By their fruits you shall know them…”
I wish to point out that the idea of “being born again” or “saved by a confession of faith” is only a matter of degrees away from the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the arrogant destruction of thousands upon thousands of human beings, their cultural artifacts, and their social structures.
Those who claim that “Christianity is RIGHT,” and excuse those who instituted the horrors that accompanied the IMPOSITION of this religion on the majority of the Western World, and the concomitant Dark Ages (a clue?) were just “in error, but their hearts were in the right place,” are kidding themselves. There is very little difference between proselytizing your religion as being the only “Right” one and killing another person for not believing as you do. I repeat: it is only a matter of degree.
How often have you read the bumper sticker that says: “Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven.” The arrogance and self-righteousness contained in that remark underpin a Fascist mindset that ought to terrify anyone who reads it.
Without standard religion and its Fascist burying of the talents of knowledge, one can pursue the free and disciplined search for truth and meaning.
But, our correspondent also wrote: “Conventional religion is just like conventional maths. It’s where we should automatically go. Conventional religion is simply a matter of openness to God, if he exists, and asking him to download some software if he exists….
Well, I have to differ in this opinion. “Conventional religion” cannot even remotely be equated to conventional math.
Math is based on knowledge, reason, work, observation, studious attention to repeating factors – based on facts, in fact.
Conventional religion cannot make that claim in any sense of the word.
“Conventional religion” takes an attitude toward the Bible that is “non-critical.” It considers the Bible divinely inspired and not to be studied like other literature with a view to determining the dates and authors or the sources which went to make up the various writings included in the canon of scripture.
The touchstone of orthodoxy is to insist on a literal interpretation. It is thought that if one thinks that the Bible doesn’t mean what it says about the world being created by God in six days, then there is no obligation to take the Bible seriously when it says “Thou shalt not commit adultery” and “Christ died for our sins.” Therefore, to take a critical approach to the Bible is in itself a denial of faith.
Even a relatively superficial study of the New Testament quotations from the Old Testament reveals a bewildering number of variations. Not only so, but there is a large number of manuscripts of the Bible with many differences among them.
We would all prefer to live in certainty and not uncertainty. We all would like to have an authoritative voice to tell us: “this is the way, walk ye in it!” But, it seems that it is part of the Divine plan to withhold that certainty, to FORCE us to seek and ask questions. Those who do not, are burying their talent.
Our weak human nature shrinks from this uncertainty and “absolutizing” religion is one attempt to overcome this uncertainty.
My journey, after coming to these conclusions, has been a journey of liberation. I have NOT been liberated from faith in God, but that is another story. I have been liberated from my mistaken ideas that God can be found in the pages of a book… clearly a little God.
As a critical believer, I am concerned with God in a different way. I do not believe that God, even by divine choice, has limited His actions to what people can discover from reading the Bible or belonging to “conventional religion.” God is far greater than that!
A Sufi saying states: “Religion is like a garment. One has to know how it fits before one can take it off.“
As a Christian, I was corrupted by believing that what I had was the absolute knowledge of life and death. I was burying my talent for dear life!
Emerging from this “cocoon of self-reflective awareness” was a VERY painful ordeal. The idea of abandoning Christianity altogether was simply too frightening to consider, so I proceeded by stages.
Time and again I tried to “resubmit” my mind to the authority of the Bible and the “conventional religion.” But it was like trying to force me to believe that 2 + 2 = 5. I simply could not live in a faith that could not successfully stand up to a single question or criticism.
So, as a result of my deep study of Conventional religion which evolved from my intense desire to get closer to God, I found myself in the position that I was unable to affirm much of what my entire life had been based upon. I might add that I was dragged kicking and screaming to this conclusion.
“Born again” living became a crutch that protracted immaturity and did not promote true healing and growth.
There are many opinions thrust upon me for my departure from Christianity. Those who are still Christians see me as damned or “expelled from Eden” for daring to eat of the Tree of Historical-Critical” knowledge. They pray for me regularly.
Those in the “scientific” camp see me as having lost my mind for continuing to believe that there IS something to be accessed in spiritual practice – that we CAN communicate with higher forces.
Those in the “metaphysical” camp who think that communication with higher forces IS possible and probable, condemn me as well because the Cassiopaean Transmissions do not promote another “relgiocult” of salvation and do not tout the “space brothers” as the friends and benefactors of mankind, but rather emphasize the condition that is historically accurate, which is that mankind is asleep and his only hope of awakening is to be “tried by fire” and made strong in his own will.
So, it becomes necessary for me to talk about the process of the “Coming of the Cassiopaeans” in some detail. What was the process? How did I go about it? What “precautions” did I take? What validations are there that the material is in any way accurate?
All of these questions need to be addressed, and they are questions I have heretofore not dealt with due to the complexity of the subject. But it is a story of MIRACLES and events of amazing GRACE. It deserves to be told.
Our correspondent wrote: “Conventional religion is simply a matter of openness to God if he exists, and asking him to download some software if he exists….“
Well, by this definition alone, I believe that the Cassiopaean Transmissions are, in fact, a “download” from God.
The communication was a result of my openness toward, and intense desire for, communication with God coupled with ASKING. Truly asking with no preconceived notions of how God should answer. No beliefs, no expectations, no demands that the answers conform to a prefab religious system.
After years of searching and study, I still believed that one could ASK and get an answer, that one could KNOCK and the door would be opened.
It is necessary, at this point, to go in another direction for a moment.
All my life I have been a “seeker” – a seeker of truth and meaning – because it is an essential thing to me. Some people are content to not know, but I have never been content – my curiosity burns at a white-hot heat almost constantly. And, behind it is a driving force that makes me unable to truly rest until I have discovered all I can about that which intrigues me – which is pretty much everything in existence!
During my years of study and search for God, I trained as a hypnotherapist and practiced and taught classes in hypnosis, relaxation techniques, and guided meditation for many years.
During the same period, I was employed as a social worker for the State Department of Health and Rehabilitative Services. This gave me many opportunities for “continuing education” classes in psychology as well as a theater to observe and work with people who had severe problems both psychologically and in terms of simply dealing with life.
Many of these problems were concerned with deep philosophical issues, though the victims were, for the most part, unaware of these questions.
In a sense, it could be said that I sought to solve problems for others because I could not solve the most basic problem of my own existence – that no matter how hard I studied, what I tried, or where I turned, I could not find satisfaction for this “empty” feeling inside that I perceived as a need for God – for meaning and purpose – and to be content in my faith.
I studied other religious systems, mysticism, the paranormal and occult, and history in vast numbers of books, looking for, in effect, the “Footprints” of God.
Throughout my life, I also had dreams and impressions of SOMEONE. I would awaken at night with the articulated thought reverberating in my mind: “where is he???” and feel utterly lost and bereft.
There was no rational explanation for this and perhaps much of my seeking was to find out what might be “wrong” with me that I felt such an “absence” in my life no matter how I sought to fill it with activity, family, and all the accouterments of modern society.
No matter what I did, no matter who I was with, I felt alone.
And I had repeating dreams that all circled around a theme of tragedy and loss.
One of the earliest of these repeating dreams occurred when I was about 7 years old. This dream was of being taken by a group of uniformed men to a place in a wooded area and shown a grave with a baby in it. The baby’s hands and feet had been cut off and I was told that this would be done to me, too. (Now, WHERE would a seven year old get an idea like this?)
A later dream (some years later) expanded on the theme by showing the grave with little hands and feet barely covered by the dirt accompanied by the sensation that these were loved ones.
In another dream, I was married to someone I loved very much and to whom I felt a powerful connection. In this dream, there was a sensation of danger and that somehow, I was the cause of this threat. I would see my husband leaving to go on a journey, and then a group of soldiers began shooting at him and I could see his body being cut to bloody pieces by the bullets.
The idea of my being “responsible” for this event, even if unwittingly, was emphasized in another dream. I knew that I was German and he was Jewish and it was German Nazis (members of my race) who were killing him, thereby making the connection of my feelings of “guilt.”
I would always awaken from these very REAL dreams soaked in a cold sweat, with my heart pounding, and crying in soul-deep grief.
At the same time, in my ordinary life, I had a REAL problem. The problem related to a SERIOUS distrust of ALL authority to the extent that I could not even allow my children to attend public schools. I would stay in such a state of “panic” anytime they were away from me that it was almost pathological! To put it mildly, I was known as an extremely over-protective mother!
The good side of this was that I became an obsessively thorough “researcher” into any idea that was presented to me as fact. I quite simply did not believe anything simply because somebody said it was true and had to establish the facts for myself.
And there was my obsession with the holocaust. I would try to resist it because it caused debilitating depression.
I read the first book about WWII when I was 11, and it was about the Polish Resistance in Warsaw. My Aunt played the piano and I regularly pestered her to play the “Warsaw Concerto” which had an effect on me like no other piece of music. This was probably due to the suggestive power of the name of the piece, but even that has a root in past and later events, as we shall see.
So, as time went by, my hopes of finding my “someone” faded and part of this was because I believed in the psychological interpretations of my “tendre” and became convinced that I must “be happy” in order to “find happiness.”
So, I shoved my dreams under the rug and married a man who was very religious because I saw this as a “stabilizing” thing. However, it turned out to be the weapon of my destruction which is another story altogether and not relevant.
My husband moved us to a place in the country where I was completely isolated. After the birth of my fourth child, I was completely bedridden due to pelvic injuries. It had been my habit for the previous years to stay so busy that I did not really THINK about things. But now, I could do nothing BUT think! And read. And write what I was thinking.
As I was getting better, I finally decided that I had to get this “holocaust business” out of my system. I had some “Time/Life” books about WWII with lots of photos; I spent days, even weeks, poring over these photos, examining each face over and over, looking into eyes; with no understanding of what I was looking for.
I told myself that I was looking for God. I needed to find out how such a horror could have come to be in the realm of an all-wise, loving God. What was this “evil” that existed in our world that opposed God? How could ANYTHING oppose God? What was the nature of this “rebellion?” What was the core, the seed, the reflection of the evil these people were looking at? I wanted to find something in their eyes, their expression, that would tell me something about how such a thing could come to be in a so-called civilized world.
I cried and agonized over these pictures for weeks or months. Every little child was my child. Every woman was me or my mother. Every man was… HIM.
Then I had THE dream. It was a replay of the dream of my husband being shot by the soldiers, only in this dream I ran after him crying “Wait for me! I am coming!” and I stood upon the rail of a balcony reaching my hands to the sky, and stepped off.
And a voice that I have experienced several times in my life spoke to me clearly as I awakened telling me that this WAS my past life.
I understood then that I had taken my own life in despair over the loss of my husband and family, and my grief and longing, frozen like a snapshot in that moment of supreme anguish and death, had been carried over into this life.
So, I KNEW. And, it was really a terrible thing. I felt like my whole life was a lie.
I KNEW why I could not feel about things as other people did. I KNEW this husband of mine who had been taken from me in such terrible circumstances; I knew him so deep inside my soul that all life was empty without him.
And, I understood what a terrible thing I had done to my husband of the present life and WHY he needed to constantly hurt and punish me. In some way, he knew that when I went to sleep every night that the last thing I would think is “Where is he? Where is THE ONE?“
But, there I was… married, with children and obligations that it was not in my nature to turn away from. I was committed to the circumstances of this life and there was no choice but to go on and live as fully and well as I could and hope that in some future life, I would find “HIM” and my soul would be healed.
I submitted to the circumstances of my life and did the best I could. And because I so desperately needed to find peace and contentment with life as it was, I began to study and practice meditation in a serious way which led to a number of REALLY strange experiences involving PK, probable abductions, etc. which are not relevant to the present story.
Because of my deeply ingrained Christian upbringing, I continued to study the Bible for clues, long after I had given up the idea that it was the “inspired Word of God.” I considered it in the same light as other “psychic literature,” worthy of examination and comparison. As I studied, I became focused on the book of Revelation and the comparison of these prophecies to other “channeled” teachings.
During this period, many wonderful revelations came to me and I wrote a book at the dictation of these visions and entitled it “The Noah Syndrome.” The central theme was “finding the Spiritual Ark” in order to achieve Metamorphosis to the promised restoration of the Edenic State. I mention this because it is strange that I became so focused on “finding the Spiritual Ark,” and I did, indeed, later “find my Ark.“
The almost incredible events of this “channeling” process of “The Noah Syndrome” will also have to be told elsewhere, but I will mention in passing that things which were “given” to me to know back in 1985 and 1986 are now becoming popular ideas in metaphysics as well as in scientific circles.
But, back to the narrative: I had inherited a property with my mother and brother which was my mother’s home. It was a large piece of acreage and it was becoming increasingly apparent that my mother was no longer able to maintain it. It was agreed to sell it which meant that I had to find a new house for my mother to live in. While I was house shopping for her, I stumbled on this wonderful huge, old house that was within my budget even AFTER buying a house for my mother.
The house needed renovations, but I just loved it, including the fact that it was in the center of the old part of a nearby town. Living in the country had been fine during my period of illness and enforced study and meditation, but I needed to be more centrally located for my work. Commuting had become an ordeal that was inhibiting my full recovery.
My husband was happy living in a rural setting because it was close to everything he was interested in, but the children and I had had enough. As a result of being so far away from everything, we seldom did anything other than what was necessary. Artistic and cultural pursuits were limited because it was so far to drive to get anywhere.
So, we had a terrible argument and for the first time in our marriage, I stood up for myself and the children and told him I was buying the house whether he liked it or not, and the children and I would move there and he could come or not as he liked!
And, I did.
Well, the relationship simply deteriorated from that point on, but in the new house, I was able to do a lot of extra things that had been denied to me when we lived so far out in the woods. I now had more time for other things. I made new friends, expanded my hypnotherapy client base, and also was able to respond to requests for consulting for a firm of attorneys and private investigators.
This last item was a super school for learning to discern between truth and falsehood and also learning ways and means of digging up or eliciting information that was hidden or layered underlies and confusion. I can’t talk too much about the range and type of work because it was and continues to be confidential, but it gave me an excellent opportunity to expand my skills in dealing with “aberrant” thinking and certain types of situations that followed patterns of antisocial behavior.
I also expanded my repertoire into the field of Spirit Releasement Therapy as written about by Dr. William Baldwin.
Prior to this time, I had dealt with what I would call “minor” possession type situations, but I had addressed them in the standard clinical modes. At one point, I innovated and serendipitously effected a “release” of a six-year-old boy. After becoming aware of Dr. Baldwin’s work, I realized that I had sort of naturally fallen into this type of therapy as a result of this “innovation” which arose out of frustration that the standard modes were not working.
Then, my youngest child became ill. She was so sick that I was afraid that she would die, and I decided to put everything on hold to be with her. I reduced the activities that were draining and stressful and began to think about doing something that took less time and energy so that I could devote myself to the care of the baby. We were used to two incomes, and we certainly were going to continue to need such with mounting medical expenses that were not covered by insurance.
In the daily paper, I read an ad for a scriptwriter. I had no real writing experience except in writing case narratives, business reports and legal documents, (and a channeled book) but I figured I could write anything, and I had heard that such work paid well in terms of time and energy expenditure. Besides, I was curious as to who, in this backwater area, would be wanting a scriptwriter for television! So, I called. And that is how I met Freddie.
In 1991 I met Fredric Irland who was, at the time, a production assistant to a man who produced and directed infomercials. I had answered an ad for a “television scriptwriter.” The fact is, I was mostly just curious as to WHO would be in need of a scriptwriter in this small town. I did needless stressful work that I could do at home, but this was more in the way of “breaking the job search ice” than a call to which I attached any expectations.
I mention this because it has turned out to be a clue to “activation” of universal potentials. I have learned that when I act in the “mind of a child,” and with no emotional attachment or anticipation to a given outcome, the universe has a marvelous way of responding with all and everything that is needed. But, that is really getting ahead of the story, because I didn’t KNOW that then!
Freddie answered the phone. During the course of the “phone interview,” the questions concentrated on my possible qualifications for the job. I frankly told him that I had none. Yes, I had written an unpublished book that was sort of “channeled,” one of my hobbies was astrology which, even though I had a computer program to do the calculations, still required a lot of writing; I had written a lot of case reports during the years I worked for the State as a social worker; hypnotherapy case reports, and consulting reports and personality profiles for a firm of attorneys and private investigators.
All of these areas of experience interested Freddie enormously and, after finishing with the basic talk about the job, we moved on to discuss metaphysics and so forth. I mentioned that one of my hobbies was astrology and that I had a nice computer program that produces interesting charts. He wanted me to do his chart, so he gave me his birth data, which included his town of birth, Ypsilanti, Michigan.
We had a long and interesting conversation, discovered that we had read many of the same books and held many of the same opinions about various phenomena, and so on. He made arrangements to visit me in a couple of days to pick up the horoscope, and that was that.
Well, a few minutes after I hung up the phone, it rang again. It was the wrong number, but the crazy thing was that it was a woman calling long distance trying to contact her relatives in Florida and she wanted me to help her find their number. She mentioned that she was calling from Ypsilanti, Michigan! Needless to say, I did a “double-take!“
At the appointed time, Freddie visited. I had an impression of him from his voice, that he would be a very large, portly, man. But, he was, on the contrary, VERY tall and thin.
We began a series of conversations that went on for months. He made it a habit to visit at least once a week. AND, he got me the job as the “script-writer.”
So, we were involved in a friendly and professional basis. My ex-husband was jealous of this friendship, but not in an ordinary way, since Freddie is very “androgynous” in appearance and manner. In fact, many people think he is gay. The truth is: he has absolutely NO interest in sex or physical relationships of any kind. He is very much like a child in an adult body, though there is nothing childlike about his intellect.
Anyway, after a long while of discussing philosophy and science and metaphysics in general, and sharing the “Noah Syndrome” with him, the subject moved on to aliens.
You have to understand that, at the time, I was a “flaming skeptic” about aliens in general and specific. I had spent so much time poking around in people’s heads in therapeutic ways, that I had determined that such “sightings” and claims of “abductions” were simply a “drama” to express some hidden or repressed elements of the subconscious. I would not even read about them after reading Whitley Streiber’s book “Communion” and Ruth Montgomery’s “Aliens Among Us.” The stories were so “crazy” to me, and smacked of such deep “repressions,” that I simply could not consider them to be “real.”
Over the years my hypnotherapy had evolved and I found myself doing a lot of “past life regressions” at the request of many clients. This led to an in-depth study of past life therapy, which proved to be so effective that I “specialized” in it. I did not really “believe” in reincarnation, but I figured that, if a person needed to create a drama to resolve an issue, it was fine with me. Whatever works! It was just one of the many tools I used to get people functional and at peace.
The reason I held such a skeptical view was that I had endeavored over the years to establish some “facts” from many of these sessions, and, as the record shows with other therapists, it is very difficult to get verifiable facts in such cases. I became very knowledgeable in history and sometimes it happened that folks knew or described things that were very obscure, but very often, when one attempts to check names and dates, they can find nothing, or another explanation can be offered for their knowledge in the event of a “confirmation.”
I was trying to keep an open mind, but at the same time, I was somewhat “clinical” and “scientific” about it all. So, the subject of “aliens” and “abductions” was only of interest to me as an “archetypal drama” of the subconscious mind. The fact that there was so MUCH of it in recent times, I attributed to a sort of “mass hysteria,” (which I had also studied) which was communicated rather like the “100th Monkey” syndrome – via the “collective unconscious.” I called it the “Millennial Disease,” because it had certain factors that were rather like an illness. The purported “physical” effects, I attributed to “stigmata” like effects or “poltergeist” events.
I knew that the mind can do MANY strange things; so I pretty much had a neatly sewn-up theory about it all, it was labeled, categorized, and tucked into very organized “files” in my mind. So, when Freddie wanted to discuss the alien “business” as a “reality,” we fell into a LOT of disagreement. He would shake his head in wonder at my stubbornness in refusing to admit that there was anything “real” about it at all. We were at an impasse on this subject. I even became “contemptuous” and sarcastic when referring to it. I had another name for it: “The Alien Rapture Theory,” which I held to be about as reasonable as the various “Pre-Tribulation, Mid-Tribulation,” and “Post-Tribulation Rapture” theories of the fundamentalist Christians.
So, 1991 passed. Through a series of unusual connections, a chiropractor acquaintance of my mother’s asked to see the baby because he had a theory about her illness which was tentatively diagnosed as cystic fibrosis. Since the allopathic routine was having little effect, I didn’t feel that I had much to lose, and I agreed. After five “adjustments,” I was able to take her off of half her medication. The chiropractor suggested raw goats’ milk, and once she was switched to that, she began to thrive. Within another six months, she had regained her weight and no longer looked like a famine victim. Today, she is perfectly normal in every respect except for a tendency to asthma when she catches a cold and has to be watched for that.
In 1992, Freddie and I came up with the idea of “contacting” a “higher source.” We had been discussing and reading about channeling for a long time, and we had examined a lot of case histories from the old British SPR files, the Cayce files, and as a result of our studies and discussions on the subject, we decided that contact with true “higher sources” was, in fact, possible.
Part of this theory was that the reason other “sources” proved to be so “human” and “fallible,” was because an initial error was made in the thinking of the channels. They assumed that a higher source could just be “called on the phone,” so to speak, and that was that. We theorized, from the few flashes of “light” we could discern in the vast body of material, that an occasional “higher level” being would try to communicate, but was prevented by a number of factors.
The chief obstruction being the “cloud” of lower-level beings and thoughts that apparently surrounded our realm like a curtain. These “dark thoughts” were, in my opinion, the result of “programmed” religious teachings.
By this time, I had many experiences in Dr. Baldwin’s Spirit Release techniques, and had even encountered what I would call a REAL cases of possession by dark entities that were not “dead dudes.” And, I had many conversations with both “dead dudes” and other types of entities. For the most part, they often said exactly the same things that many channeled teachings say, but when pressed for sources themselves, it became clear that, as Edgar Cayce said: “A dead Presbyterian is just that: a dead Presbyterian.” They had a perspective that we don’t have in the body, but the level of knowledge is simply not, for the most part, any greater. And, in fact, most knowledge gained by human effort surpassed this information.
Yes, as I began to accept the idea of “dead dudes” because of my work and all the material I was collecting, I began to wonder if there was anything truly “higher,” and if so, what it was and how “high” could one really go?
In my research on the subject, I identified the second obstruction which I called the “transducing factor” which was related to the evidential idea that a truly higher level source simply could not make a full and secure connection because it would be like trying to run a 110V appliance on 220V current. If it was a “higher” source, by definition, it’s energy would so overwhelm any human recipient that it could not be sustained.
There were many case histories that supported this hypothesis, and many examples of people who went mad after trying.
For the most part, it was clear that such efforts posed many dangers as explicated in extensive readings in ancient literature and various Eastern teachings.
Our analysis of the various methods presented its own problems. Relative to the theorized “high voltage” of such “higher sources,” we decided that the only way to make such contact was to combine the energies of two or more people as a “receiver,” and then to attempt to “tune” the receiver with repeated acts of “intent.” In this way, we felt that the “cloud” or “veil” could be penetrated rather like “breaking” through a dike.
Clearly, the only real way to combine energies as a “receiver” was to use some form of “communication” that REQUIRED more than one person. The obvious answer was a board-type instrument. Naturally, this requires a high level of trust since each person must endeavor to be “clean and clear” in their participation, and must trust that the other is making similar efforts. I felt that Freddie was as sincerely interested in the experiment as I was, so that trust was established.
Another consideration was to keep the psyche “clean” and allow it to “tune” without energy drains from other things that might be “plugged” in. So, this brought in the elements of Spirit Release Therapy which we employed regularly on ourselves as a form of spiritual hygiene. I utilized, in a modified form, Dr. Carl Wickland’s method of what I call “Spirit Viewing,” on myself, and did the work with Freddie directly.
This “Spirit Viewing” technique has many other interesting applications in terms of discovering the true nature of any given individual without violating free will, and I still employ it regularly. I have always found it to be accurate, even on occasions when I initially doubted that what was seen could be true. As an aside, I will note that most “interfering energies” present themselves in archetypal symbols of a fairly homogeneous character – a fascinating field of study in and of itself.
So, we thought we had a pretty good theory and we decided to put it into the test phase keeping in mind the dangers.
We began. We met every week to sit and attempt contact. Except to say that we spent many months receiving just nonsense before we “graduated” to “dead dudes,” I will leave this subject hanging in the background. I have a dozen or more notebooks that record every motion of the planchette for over two years.