During all of these events, there was a constant growing estrangement between me and my husband who was completely skeptical about any “phenomena,” even that which he had witnessed; and there was absolutely no support given to me in my struggles to understand what was happening to my clients and to me. He was contemptuous of my dedication to help all of this suffering – to find answers for all of us.
His answer was to dive back into his religion and read the Bible desperately whenever any questions came up for which there were no answers. He wasn’t finding any answers in the Bible, he was just using it as a crutch to block out any thinking of his own. Every mystery was reduced to the formula: “it is God‘s will that we not understand these things; He works in mysterious ways and all we have to do is believe in His benevolence!“
December came and I was making Christmas preparations. I remember sitting at the kitchen table, covered with dustings of flour from my baking, my girls helping me, and such a happy family “scene” all around me. The kids didn’t know how it was between their father and me, and I was resolved to keep it from them. They deserved happiness and stability.
And, I was trying in every way to make my husband happy as well, short of giving up my mind and my work. I worked very hard so that nothing I did would interfere in the normal events of our lives so he would have nothing to complain about. But, the more I tried to juggle everything, the more demanding he became so that it was harder and harder to manage it without some sort of scene with him.
So, there I was in my kitchen, baking Christmas goodies with my children, and feeling utterly devastated that I could not feel the happiness that I was working so hard to create around me. The radio was playing and a haunting song began to play…”When I dream, I dream of you; maybe someday you will come true…” and I broke down and began to cry.
All the dreams of “Him” came flooding back and I wondered if He was somewhere on the planet wondering if I was somewhere on the planet.
The children were very concerned with my tears, and I explained that middle-aged mothers just do that sometimes. Nothing to be concerned about. And I pushed the thoughts back under the rug and told myself that I should be overjoyed with what I had and not be such a whiner and cry-baby for what I didn’t have.
In the very earliest days of the contact, the Cassiopaens began to urge me to communicate with others via the internet. I was told that my life would change “suddenly and dramatically” as soon as I began to “network.”
Cassiopaens: Suggestion, get on the computer net ASAP. When you network, your entire life will dramatically improve immediately!
So, I upgraded my computer which, up to then had been only a glorified word processor, and loaded the internet software, opened an account, and was ready to “rock and roll!”
I logged in for the first time late in the evening on December 23, 1994.
On December 24th, I had gone out to get some last-minute things for Christmas. I was planning on getting my dinner started and then I was going to see a friend in the hospital.
I was waiting to make a left turn onto my street; it was early evening, the sky was still pink; I was watching the oncoming traffic as well as the rear traffic in the side view mirror (driving my husband’s truck since I had to pick up a large item being held at a toy store).
There is a funny blank place in my mind, and the thing I remember is that the truck began to jerk and jump and bounce around in a crazy way and my body was snapping back and forth. I flew forward and hit the steering wheel (even with seatbelt) and snapped backward and hit the back window of the truck – broke the window and my head and neck.
The fellow who hit me, who I NEVER SAW, claimed that I WAS NOT THERE! Fortunately, he was insured to the MAX!
So, indeed, my life changed suddenly and dramatically. Though the damage was minimal, the prognosis was unclear and it was true that, for the time being, in some ways, I was virtually a cripple.
I complained mightily to the C’s. They told me that I was a “whippersnapper” and made other vague remarks about things “falling into place.” I was furious with them!
One night not very long after the accident they commented: “You must network tonight as there are those who are awaiting your message as promised.
Q: (L) Well, I was promised that my life would change suddenly and dramatically as soon as I was on the internet. So, I logged on and had the accident the next day!
A: It is.
Q: (L) My life is changed?
A: Yes. In process.
Neurological damage was moderate and the fractures had been contained. There did not seem to be permanent damage to the spinal cord other than swelling and constriction.
This produced all sorts of bizarre and changing symptoms as various nerves would shift and get the brunt of the pressure. I never knew what was going to hurt, how bad, how long, or if I would have use of my hands and arms at all. It changed from day today.
My left shoulder had been propped in the window and all the rotator muscles were torn and there was a huge, soft depression in the back of my head. I lost a huge chunk of my memory and was frequently unable to swallow or pronounce certain words and I transposed things when I tried to write.
So, I was pretty miserable. But! Did I let it stop me? No! We still held the sessions and everyone sort of took care of me for that one night a week. But, I complained to the C’s all along.
Q: (L) Well, I am so sick that I am ready to throw in the towel.
A: Throw in the towel?!? It’s too late!! And besides, your life will dramatically improve if you persevere, as we have told you.
Q: (L) You say that if I just persevere that my life will improve dramatically and immediately. So, when you say this, do you mean really sudden and in a big way?
A: Open.
Q: (L) Are you going to give me any clues on this?
A: No.
On March 4, 1995, the Cassiopaens said “hello” in a funny way:
Q: (T) Good evening.
A: Luck.
Q: (L) Is the luck with us at this time?
A: Yes. Not yet. Try not to second guess what we mean.
Q: (L) What does the term “luck” refer to?
A: Discover.
Well, that was puzzling enough, but as we got into our questions for the evening, the C’s seemed to have an agenda of their own… there was something they wanted to say:
A: Enough said, remember, you have been learning slowly that personal issues hold minor significance. Terry’s dream was significant, however!!!!! Susan too!! And Fred has been sent the same message as well.
Q: (T) Okay. We are missing a key topic or issue, here.
A: 4th level STO! You have only thought of 4th level STS.
Q: (L) Ahhh! What Susan was talking about earlier, we need to ask about the good guys!
A: They are the only ones who can help you defend yourselves against the 4th level attack!!!! We give you information which is invaluable in nature but remember we are 6th level STO, Beings of light, and on this density level there simply is no interference with free will no matter how detrimental to you!!!
Q: (T) 4th density STO beings can actually help in a meaningful way! We knew there were both sides, but we never asked. We have been concentrating on the Lizards. There are supposed to be 16 groups on each side, and we have never asked… Who are these 4th density STO beings that we need to contact?
A: Orion Federation. You have asked us to protect you, it is important for you to understand that we are beyond that!
Q: (L) We understand that. (T) We understand that you, at 6th density, can’t interfere with free will on either side. But, the Orion Federation…
A: First, incorrect thought patterns that have become embedded must be purged before you can move onto the next subject.
Q: (T) What are the incorrect thought patterns?
A: That we protect directly.
Q: (T) Well, you said that Knowledge protects. You have been providing knowledge.
A: Indirectly.
Q: (J) They are not really giving it to us, they are helping us to draw it out of ourselves.
A: We are providing invaluable information that becomes knowledge, but you are under attack, therefore, you could maybe use some direct power from the same density as the attack is coming from.
Q: (L) Okay, what is the phone number of the Orion Federation? (S) Laura! (T) That’s what I was going to ask. [Laughter.] (L) How do we get a hold of them?
A: Off the hook!
Q: (T) Uh oh! (L) They’re busy? (T) Getting a lot of calls. (L) Okay, guys, what do we need to do here?
A: Find a “Nordic.” They are on Earth posing as humans.
Q: (T) They are 4th density. I thought they…
A: Yes.
Q: (T) I thought that 4th density couldn’t hold the frequency that long and that is why the Lizards have so much trouble. (J) They’re STS.
A: Not STO!
Q: (T) Very good, Jan hit it as they said it. The STS can’t stay, only the STO.
A: Yes.
Q: (T) So, we need to find a Nordic, do we know one?
A: Have seen them at meetings and such.
Q: (L) What kind of meetings.
A: MUFON. Discover, remember these are among your protectors and Laura and Freddie know what level one attack is like, Terry, Jan and Susan are perilously close to finding out!
Well, this was very curious information, and the connection to MUFON made us curious. Terry and Jan, members of our group, were active in MUFON and, because of this, I had been invited the previous month to the MUFON meeting in St. Petersburg to tell about my sighting.
In the audience had been a journalist for a local newspaper who asked to interview me later, and I had agreed. I wondered about this “contact.” And, as a result of THAT particular MUFON meeting, we were invited to give a demonstration of the “communication” technique at a different MUFON venue the following month.
In the audience at both of these meetings, was a physicist, Dr. Ruggero Santilli, who was very open-minded and curious as to the “limits” of information that might be accessed through the Cassiopaens. We invited him to a session and it was an exciting evening at the end of which I had the strangest feeling that there were “ramifications.” That session opened a door to discussing subjects in the realms of science and technology that we might not have approached otherwise.
Little did I know then that the term “Luck” combined with the material delivered during the session attended by Dr. Santilli, a contact made at a MUFON meeting, was going to have such far-reaching implications in my life!
My “accident” therapy progressed slowly. I was not getting much relief and a strange thing was noted on one of my x-rays so I was sent to a neurologist who ordered MRI’s.
On the night before I was scheduled to have these films made, I awakened choking and gagging, in horrible pain. I felt as though my tongue had been torn out by the roots and I was strangling on the blood. I thought I must have bitten my tongue in my sleep. I ran to the bathroom and was spitting out blood. I examined my throat, and it was torn, red and swollen way back beyond my teeth on one side. There was no way I could have bitten myself there!
My jaws stayed swollen for over a week and I had difficulty eating and talking. When I tried to wake my husband up to help me, I was unable to rouse him, and he had ALWAYS been a light sleeper. This disturbed me very much.
About a month after the MRIs were done, they were to be sent to a neurosurgeon, but they had “disappeared,” and all the efforts of two doctor’s staff as well as the staff at the medical center where they were taken, we’re unable to produce them.
It was a big mystery. The staff at the hospital were so upset that they undertook to do hand searches in relays to try and find them. They were under a LOT of pressure to find them because, otherwise, they had to do them over again without charge, and it was a very expensive set.
Finally, the neurosurgeon was getting pretty demanding about getting these films, and the MRI staff admitted defeat. I was scheduled to come in to have another set made.
The night before the new pictures, I awakened to find myself being floated out of bed by 3 or 4 spidery creatures who had me by the ankle and were “pulling” on me.
I was struggling and resisting and apparently had been doing so even in while asleep because I found that my paralyzed arm was extended up over my head and was locked on the brass headboard in a “death grip” and the bed was shaking and bouncing with the efforts of my resistance. It was virtually a tug of war and I wasn’t going to let go!
I looked at them and the creepy little spider guys realized that I had awakened. One of them put its hand on my head and I felt a paralysis coming over me. I became very angry. I wanted to curse them. But it was impossible to resist this paralysis and that made me even madder! I was determined that, even if they had technology that could overcome all of my efforts of the resistance, that at least I would give them a piece of my mind! I was going to have my say!
With enormous concentration, I was able to utter a strangled sound. It was not the defiant curse I was working on in my head, but it progressed against the “frozen” sensation of my entire body. And, it had a startling effect! As soon as I uttered this incomprehensible, cave person type sound, they dropped me like a hot potato and began a sort of flitting and chattering like a nest of birds with a cat climbing the tree. They huddled together and sort of melted into a “shimmery” curtain thing alongside my bed. It was much like the mirage effect one sees on the road ahead when driving on a hot day.
My heart was pounding from real exertion. I can’t say that I was terrified because such a thing is beyond terror. And, I have always been a person who acts cleanly and efficiently in a crisis, so this was no different in that respect. And, it was useful that I had the information from the Cassiopaens because that certainly had a lot to do with not feeling terrified which is more often a reaction to the unknown.
The thing that upset me was, I couldn’t figure out how my ex-husband could have slept through all of that rather violent struggle! At one point, while I was fighting them, while the bed was bouncing and jerking, I was very conscious that it was not waking my husband up even with me screaming at him mentally for help.
After the creatures melted away, I turned over and worked at peeling my paralyzed hand away from the headboard. As I did so, I was startled to see three distinct, wave-like shudders pass through my husband’s body starting from the head and moving down. After the third one, he took a deep breath and began to snore.
I realized that what was troubling me was that he was not moving at all, not even to breathe! It struck me that he had been “turned off” in order to prevent his intervention! That he COULD be turned off scared me half to death! I had NO protection at all! Not only that, when I tried to tell him what had happened, he thought I was imagining it. I can assure you, it was NOT imagination!
I got out of the bed and sat up the rest of the night in a recliner, thinking and smoking. Early in the morning, the girl from the test center called to tell me (in a shaking voice) that when she had come in that morning, my file with all films intact, was on the reception desk. No one admitted to finding it and placing it there, and she had been the first in the office that morning and had unlocked the doors herself. It was a mystery that has never been explained.
Shortly after this, I asked the Cassiopaens about this experience. (The full session can be read in the “Abduction” series.)
The closing remarks of the Cassiopaens in this discussion were: “Well this is a question best left for your own exploration as you will gain more knowledge by contemplating it by yourself rather than seeking the answers here. But a suggestion is to be made that you do that as you will gain much, very much knowledge by contemplating these very questions on your own and networking with others as you do so. Be not frustrated for the answers to be gained through your own contemplation will be truly illuminating to you and the experience to follow will be worth a thousand lifetimes of pleasure and joy.“
Suffice it to say that I was in constant pain and it seemed that the more pain I suffered, the more my husband did to drive me completely into a flaming fury. He knew that when I was under stress that my muscles contracted and it hurt even more!!! I would spend 3 hours in therapy and almost feel alive, come home, and in 10 minutes be in a cold sweat from the pain. He was a master at it.
Every single thing that he ever had learned bothered me, irritated me, made me angry or hurt, he said it or did it. And he did it as though he were completely INNOCENT! The main thrust of his attacks was the time I was “wasting” with “crazy people” who thought they had been abducted by “little green men.” And I would get so mad I would practically explode and he would tell me that I really needed to get counseling myself!
A few months later a young woman called me on the phone and said that she had heard that I was interested in starting a magazine.
This was true. I was looking for a venue for the increasing volume of Cassiopaean material and I had mentioned it to a local bookstore owner who often hosted various speakers and seminars in her store.
The woman on the phone said that she had been publishing a small “metaphysical” newsletter for over two years and was ready to give it up and I was welcome to her subscription list and various accouterments of her project if I wanted to take it over. We decided to meet to discuss it.
When we did, it was a funny “trigger” for a variety of things. She was Jewish and almost immediately began talking to me about her past life in Nazi Germany and how she had been experimented on by Dr. Mengele and had died as a result. There was an instant rapport between us, and she was interested in attending a discussion with the Cassiopaeans.
Right after this meeting and before her attendance at a session, I had another dream. In this dream, I was the bride and was wearing a wonderful dress with flowers in my hair and there was a limousine waiting outside to take me to my “wedding.” I didn’t know who the groom was, but there were a lot of people around me encouraging me to “get in the car” and go to “meet the bridegroom.” For some reason, I was filled with happiness and the joy of those around me was contagious, so, overcoming my hesitations, I went to the car, got in and was taken to the place of the wedding. I was aware that the date was a Saturday, and it seemed to be the 14th because something was said about Friday the 13th.
It turned out to be a big restaurant with a wonderful feast prepared and waiting. It was all decorated with flowers and streamers everywhere and many, many people were gathered in a happy and joyful crowd who cheered me as I got out of the car.
The “Bridegroom” came forward to take my hand and we walked through the crowds of people to stand in front of a priest-like person who married us. I was overcome with happiness even though I could not see the groom’s face!
As soon as we were married, the music began to play, and he took me out onto the middle of the floor where everyone had cleared a space, and we began to dance. It was like flying and we whirled and spun and it was happiness such as I had never experienced in my entire life and I awoke bathed in a sensation of ecstatic joy!
A few days later, my new Jewish friend, RC, came to a session and several strange remarks were made by the Cassiopaeans. RC wanted to ask about the feeling of rapport between us but I wanted to get in a quick question about my dream.
Q: (L) I dreamed the other night that I got married, and there was a big party, dancing, the limousine and so on… flowers, happiness. In my dream, I heard a voice saying that the wedding would be on a Saturday the 14th, following Friday the 13th, could you tell me anything about this dream?
A: No.
Q: (RC) What is my relationship to Freddie and Laura from any past life connections? Did we know each other in Germany?
A: Maybe. Discover.
Q: (L) Now, I was looking at the charts, just to see what kind of matches there were and it was a lot. (RC) According to astrology, that shows a past life connection.
A: Who were you?
Q: (L) You mean me?
A: Yes.
Q: (L) I was just German woman… (RC) I was wondering about Egypt?
A: But we are still in Germany!
Q: (L) All I know was that I committed suicide, the name was Helga, I think…
A: Who was your husband?
Q: (L) I don’t know. He was Jewish. Is that what you are getting at?
A: Okay. Who were your children?
Q: (RC) They asked who were the children. Was I one of your children?
A: Discover. When we say discover, we mean for you to use your given talents to learn, not to have us lead you by the hand every step of the way. If we were to do that, we would cheat you out of an opportunity to gain knowledge, and more importantly, understanding. Thus, we would be abridging free will!
It struck me as strange for them to be directing me to think about this in this way in response to my dream of getting married. They were not answering my question, but they were trying to get something across without violating free will. Then, they said this:
A: We are receiving a strong wave pattern surrounding the subject we chose to cover, thus we interrupted inquiries! Moshe in Israel.
Q: (RC) Who is Moshe in Israel?
A: Moshe is IN Israel.
But we could get no more. They would not tell us who Moshe was or what the connection was.
The following week, with RC present, another strange series of remarks were made. I had been doing research on “secret societies” which included the Rosicrucian’s, Masons and others, and had ended up deep in a study of alchemy. The Cassiopaeans had mentioned a “super secret” group once before, called the “Quorum,” and I was “on the trail.” And, we had recently been introduced to the work of David Hudson and his “monoatomic gold.” I was struggling to put the pieces together and find out just “who was on first.”
Q: (L) Okay, square one: Is the quorum composed of humans who have been alchemists, who are presently in possession of a substance called “the elixir of life” and which David Hudson calls “monatomic gold?”
A: And much, much more! Monatomic gold is but one minor issue here. Why get lead astray by focusing upon it solely. It would be akin to focusing on the fact that “Batman” can fly! Is that the only important thing that “Batman” does in the story? Is it?
Q: (L) Of course not! (RC) Batman fights crime!
A: What we mean is that alchemy is but one minor piece of the puzzle.
Q: (L) Okay, I understand. But, understanding the alchemical connection, and its potential for extending the life and opening certain abilities makes it more feasible to think of a group that has been present steadily and consistently for many thousands of years on earth.
A: They are not the only ones!
Q: (L) Oh! I knew I was opening a can of worms!
A: Let us go to the root. Who, or what made you?
Q: (RC) The Creator. (L) Prime Creator.
A: How? And who is Prime Creator?
Q: (L) Everything, I guess.
A: You are “Prime Creator.”
Q: (RC) We are creators, but we aren’t the Prime Creator…
A: Prime Creator Manifests IN you.
Q: (L) Okay, so at the root is Prime Creator.
A: But… who was secondary?
Q: (RC) The Sons of God? The Elohim?
A: Who is that? Remember, your various legends are “seen through a veil.” Here comes a shocker for you… one day, in 4th density, it will be your descendant’s mission to carry on the tradition and assignment of seeding the 3rd density universe, once you have the adequate knowledge!!!
“In this part of your 3rd and 4th density universe, specifically your “galaxy” it is the region known as Orion that is the one and only indigenous home of human type beings… reflect on this! Indigenous home base, not sole locator. What you are most in need of review of is the accurate profile of “alien” data.
Q: (RC) I thought that humans originated in Lyra and then a war broke out there and they ended up in Orion.
A: Lyra is not inhabited. There have been homes in all places, but some were/are transitory, and some are not. Pay attention to Orion! This is your ancestral home and your eventual destination. Here is the absolutely accurately accurate profile of Orion to follow: This is the most heavily populated region of your Milky Way galaxy! This is a region that extends across 3rd and 4th density space for a distance as vast as the distance between your locator and it.
There are 3,444 inhabited “worlds” in this region. Some are planets as you know them. Some are artificially constructed planetoids. Some are floating space barges. And some are “satellites.” There are primary homes, traveling stations and incubator laboratories all in 2nd, 3rd and 4th densities. There are overseer zones in the 5th and 6th densities. Approximately one half is STO and one half is STS. Together, along with many other colonies, located elsewhere, this is called, in translation, Orion Federation.
Orions created grays in 5 varieties, as cybergenetic beings, and installed them on Zeta Reticuli 1, 2, 3, and 4, as well as on 2 planets orbiting Barnard’s Star. The Reptilians also inhabit 6 planets in the Orion region in 4th density, and are owned by the Orion STS as slaves, and, in some cases, pets!!! The name “Orion” is the actual native name and was brought to earth directly. Study the legend of the “god” of Orion for parallels.”
This was startling information, to say the least! But, of the things said in this session, the remark about “Batman” proved to be VERY significant as events progressed.
The night of this session was very strange. After RC and her husband went home, I went to bed in a strangely excited state. I knew it was going to be difficult to get to sleep, so I began to practice meditative breathing exercises to relax. Suddenly, I saw a face right before me! It was as clear and real as if someone had entered the room! It is difficult to convey to anyone how truly solid and three-dimensional this face was. I did not know this face, but it was a man with light hair and glowing eyes and he looked at me so kindly and lovingly before he vanished like a popping balloon! I was so startled that I nearly lost my breath altogether, but with firm effort, I resumed my meditation and soon went to sleep.
The result of these dreams and the vision, as well as the remarks from the Cassiopaens, was the belief that my life was being guided somehow, and I had only to demonstrate my faith and commitment for things to work out as they should. I applied this to my relationship with my husband and was sure that he was going to undergo some dramatic change. I had already reached the point where I decided that he was what he was, and for the sake of the children, I would not let anything bother me anymore.
I would be a good and attentive wife, do the best I could for the sake of the children, get whatever satisfaction I could get from my work, my friends and some little writing and sharing of information, and just not worry about what he did. A commitment is a promise, and I didn’t break my promises. I was sure God was going to “fix it.” I knew that I was essentially alone. I didn’t have a husband; he was as much a lost child as the children were, and I accepted the responsibility of them all. I believed this to be the direction the Cassiopaens were pointing me.
For the most part, I was happy that I had a family to love, and even if I was not really loved back because my husband was like a rebellious child teaching my children to rebel along with him and use me as a doormat, it was a necessary sacrifice, in my mind, and I committed myself to all of them regardless of how I was treated.
And, we had a plan. A magazine.
Q: (L) You said before, that when we got things going that everything would improve suddenly and dramatically, and immediately. We understood that to mean getting online and also getting the magazine out. Are we going to be able to do this soon?
A: As soon as needed.
And then we went to Gulf Breeze.
And I had the dream.
It was a UFO conference and Freddie and I went with another girlfriend of mine. This conference was a funny thing. The Cassiopaeans had referred to a conference to be held in Gulf Breeze in the Spring. At this particular point in time, the Gulf Breeze UFO conference was always held in the fall. We were very puzzled by this reference, and having no understandable context in which to discuss it, we dropped it. But, the C’s had made a curious remark:
A: Go to Pensacola. Increasing activity in Florida panhandle, vortex. If you go to Pensacola you will see UFOs of all origins including yours truly.
As it turned out, at the time of the UFO conference that October, Florida was under siege from Hurricane Opal, which forced the moving of the Gulf Breeze conference to Mobile. And, a consequence of this was that the organizers of the affair decided that Spring would be a better time for Gulf Breeze! The Gulf Breeze conference was set for March the following year.
We didn’t see any UFOs while there, nor did I consciously see the C’s but, the first night there, I had the dream. In the dream, I was talking to a longtime friend and there were many people around, coming and going. I felt that I did not belong there, and I was just starting to leave and was heading for the door when someone came in who I RECOGNIZED AS HIM, and he blocked my exit, told me he had been looking everywhere for me, and began to kiss me.
But I couldn’t see his face. The kiss, on the other hand, was so real that I woke up and felt the impression of lips on mine. Then I went back to sleep. I dreamed I was divorced from my then-husband, and that I was with this other, faceless man who was so completely different, though I couldn’t tell how. My ex-husband tried to convince me that he had changed and was going to do this and that and make me happy, but the man came and told him “It’s too late. She’s mine. She was mine before you took her away, you hurt her and abused her and never deserved her, and I have come to take her back.”
At breakfast, I told Freddie about the dream and how REAL it was and how puzzled I was that I should have such a dream just after going through all the emotional turmoil of acceptance and deciding that I was NOT going to ever get a divorce.
When I got home from Gulf Breeze, within about 10 days I had another dream about my husband being paralyzed and the now familiar voice telling me “He is NOT a real man. He is only half a man. He can never protect you and the children.”
The next day, he was criticizing one of the children in his sarcastic and demeaning way, and I tried to intervene and make peace. The discussion became rather heated, as was usual, and I ended it by saying “let’s talk about it some other time” as I usually did because I didn’t think that we should argue in front of the children.
Like a spoiled child who couldn’t have his way, he got angry and left. After the door had slammed, one of my daughters said to me: “Mom, what is wrong with him? How can you even talk to him? He’s not like us.“
When she said the words: “he’s not like us,” I was completely shocked. I realized a depth of truth to this remark that simply enveloped me in horror. The other children began to agree and I told them that they didn’t really understand. But, I began to think about what the children were saying and about my many strange dreams.
So, what was finally happening was that I decided that enough clues were being heaped on me that maybe I had better re-think things a little. I did. I listed all the pros and cons in my mind and I saw that there was almost nothing positive since I now had to put the kids in the con section. They were as miserable as I was.
I decided that the sooner I took action, the better, so the next day I asked for a divorce.
This led to another strange incident. When I asked for a divorce, all the “nastiness” I had been treated for so many years turned into a “poor, pitiful me” scenario. My husband became so woebegone and pathetic that it was the hardest thing I ever did to keep my resolve. He asked for a few days “grace” to find a place to move, and throughout those few days, I could tell that he was “working” on me to change my mind. I was weakening and all the arguments began to rage inside me again. He wasn’t even gone yet, and I was feeling cast adrift and alone! (Of course, I was forgetting that, even when he was there I was alone! It’s funny how the mind works in these situations.) It was clear that I was “weakening.”
On about the second of the “grace days,” I was going to the kitchen at night to get a drink. He was sleeping on the sofa in the playroom which I had to pass on my way to the kitchen. I heard a voice and paused by the door in the dark to listen. As I did, the hair began to prickle on my neck and arms. My ex-husband, to whom I had been married for almost 20 years, was talking in his sleep. He had NEVER, EVER talked in his sleep.
I crept closer to listen. He was having a conversation with someone… all I could hear was his “side” of the dialogue, but it was chilling in its implications. He was saying things like: “yes, I understand. I made a mistake. Please, don’t punish me! I will fix it! I can do it. No, I won’t fail again. Yes. I will do it. You can depend on me. I’m sorry. Forgive me.” and so on. His voice and demeanor reminded me of the several “minor demons” I had exorcised in my practice as a hypnotherapist. They always become such whiners and beggars when someone is “on to” them. A good comparison is the obsequious manner of Renfield in the Dracula movie
I don’t know who he was talking to, but there was such an air of evil emanating from him, I practically fell over backward trying to getaway!
The next day, I demanded that he take no more time making “arrangements,” and that he leave immediately. I had to threaten him with the police to get him to go, but I was terrified to have him in the house one more night.
Even so, I will say that there was some terrible sort of psychic pain that went with actually asking for a divorce and really meaning it. It wasn’t love or a broken heart – it was something different… it almost seems that it was generated by some frequency that had nothing to do with me. It actually hurt physically. It was like hooks had been buried in my flesh and the removal took chunks of meat with it.
And, of course, now I know that it was the illusion I held onto for so long that was being ripped away and shattered. I was coming to the hard realization that the person I thought I was married to did not even exist – except in my imagination! All of the sterling qualities and deep connections that I had thought existed in my husband and marriage were simply figments of my imagination.
Of course, it was ALWAYS evident, only I chose not to see it! When he behaved in ways contrary to my illusion, I excused it and swept it under the rug and made excuses for it because he was “not himself” because he was “under pressure” or “wounded” and that I needed to change something about myself to elicit his “true” self in all its glory!
If I could just be more patient, more understanding, more loving, more something or other – then I could DO something to fix everything, and he would blossom into the person who I believed he WAS inside and would be emotionally loving and supportive and understanding and so on. He was just “wounded” and it was my job to “fix him!” It was my job to compensate for all the hurts that had taken away his ability to “be himself!”
What I was having to face was the fact that he was not, and NEVER had been, ANY of those things! What I saw and experienced in my life with him was what he WAS! It was that simple.
At this point, my friend Sandra, who was a major support to me and who kept reminding me to “make a list of why I wanted a divorce and to read it every day when I felt lonely or weak,” died suddenly.
She had suffered cardiac arrest in her office and it was over 20 minutes before the EMTs got there. She was revived and was on life support for a while, but it was clear that she was dead nevertheless. I was on my own because it was clear that everyone thought we had the perfect marriage and I was “out of my mind” to be divorcing such a good Christian man!
I was like a zombie all through April and May. I simply did not want to live. To face the realization that one’s beliefs could be so in error was terrifying. My very self had been identified by those beliefs and when they shattered, I had no place to stand, nothing to believe in! If I was completely in error about the most important relationship of my life, how could I know that ANYTHING I believed had any foundation in fact whatsoever?
For several weeks I was disoriented, feeling like I was adrift in a black, formless void from which there was no escape. I felt as though I were dying.
I had spent so many years believing in my role and my illusions that I didn’t recognize the person thinking the unfamiliar thoughts in my mind. I felt certain I was about to die. A shrink would probably describe my experience as an identity crisis; I can’t say I’d disagree. In fact, I DID go to a psychiatrist and tried to explain to him all the strange things that had been happening in my life. He said, “Mrs. Martin, it is clear to me that you are a person who, when you discover a problem, immediately set about solving it.
This is healthy. However, it could also be said that denial is also a healthy coping mechanism. There are just certain things in everyone’s life that need to be cordoned off. They are mysteries and we cannot solve them. So, we need to focus our energy on those things about which we have the knowledge and which we can solve. I am afraid I cannot help you to solve these mysteries and you don’t need therapy to solve your problems as you clearly are able to do that yourself. You are healthy and have good coping responses. You just need to decide what you can cope with and what you can’t.”
So much for psychiatrists!
In any event, in this process I learned something about beliefs and identity. My world, like everyone else’s is fabricated from beliefs. Since birth, I’ve viewed all my experiences through a sort of distorted telescope of a set of beliefs about roles and relationships and good and evil. Now I was being forced to see that things I had always believed were good, may not necessarily have been so, and things I had always thought were evil, could, in fact, be good.
I knew that my “giving” to my husband had fueled his descent into unbelievably concentrated selfishness and a lack of initiative to make anything work from his own will or effort. By being the one who always saved him from himself, he had come to believe that he was “owed” this from me and simply could not believe it when his crutch was removed. He had been weak and manipulative, to begin with, and I had been taken in. He had lived on my energy for years and had therefore not been required to build any strength of his own. He was like a child who had been carried all his life and who was getting heavier and heavier, and now, that no one could carry him any longer, he couldn’t walk on his own.
I realized that I had thought I was doing “good,” but in fact, what I had done was very bad. And I had done it out of my own weakness – my need to be loved. We had both been living a lie.
These lenses of belief always add distortion to the reality passing through them and accepting the reality as it WAS caused my world view to crumble and disappear, leaving nowhere for the “I” that lived in that world-view to exist.
My old beliefs created a reality in which “I” experienced everything, and in that way, it created my identity. I WAS my beliefs. I believed that love could change anything, that sacrifice and turning the “other cheek” were the answers to all the slings and arrows of misfortune. And it clearly was not so. Clearly the energy of loving and giving was being used to “feed” some sort of monstrous predator that manipulated human beings in ways that were so subtle as to be almost undetectable.
Anything entering my reality that had challenged my beliefs, was a challenge to my very existence and I had expended vast amounts of energy shoving things under the rug and lying to myself about what effects my efforts were or were not having. Survival of my identity required that any awareness of such things be either prevented or rationalized away as distortion.
So now I was faced with a fundamental change in my beliefs. My decision to divorce was a life-and-death struggle in which my identity felt threatened with annihilation.
But, by acceptance of the imperative, the old identity lost the battle and literally died. It was a psychological death and I now know that this death was the source of the disorientation and sensations of impending physical death that I was experiencing.
But how many years I struggled against this death! And, of course, it is the best thing that could possibly have happened.
Because, in that same struggle, a new me was born; and, like a baby, I was looking at the world around me without lenses or distortions. I was free to open my perception within a world now extending far beyond physical reality.
“The King is Dead, Long live the King.” It was as though I finally understood what this means. To die to self – the old, limiting self – and to be reborn a new self, which implies also, to be in a new universe.
I realized later that, since our internal belief systems are what determines how and how much of the reality around us we can truly perceive, if we could only get to some point where we could throw off all “programs” – all beliefs – we could live in a state of unlimited potential!
But then, I guess that would mean we don’t need to be here on the big blue marble anymore and we would disappear in a flash of light!
But, to live life with as few beliefs as possible, to be able to look at everything in a fresh way moment by moment.
Al-‘Arabi wrote: “All knowledge is knowledge of God. The objects of God’s knowledge are infinite, though only a finite number exist at any given time and only a finite number can be known by a finite being.
“For man, the seeker of knowledge, the acquisition of knowledge is endless, since the objects of knowledge are endless. This is the secret of man’s felicity. Knowledge, the greatest good, is also the greatest joy and the greatest pleasure.
“The never-ending trajectory of man’s life in all the worlds has to be explained in terms of his constant growth in knowledge.
“For the felicitous, this knowledge is totally congruent and harmonious with thier own souls, which have been shaped in this world through faith and practice, and hence every increase in knowledge is an increase infelicity.
“But, for the wretched, knowledge of things as they actually are is a searing torture, since it contradicts their beliefs and practices in this world. Every new knowledge – every new self-disclosure of God – is a new misery.”
Well, there I was: fat, forty and with five kids and crippled to boot!
And what did the Cassiopaeans have to say about all this?
Q: (L) This recent ‘awakening‘ or period of seeing things with such clarity, as they really were, and the whole picture of the interactions between people and how truly ugly it can be, especially those things programmed into us by our culture and our religions; as a result of this I plunged into a terrible depression. I needed to get my balance from seeing so much all at once. Can you explain to me what was going on?
A: Growth.
Q: (L) I tried to share this perception with other people, and almost without exception when I said to people that I was finally seeing things in their true state and it was NOT a pretty picture, that the level of hypnosis we live under is almost unbelievable, they all said: “well, you are obviously seeing this through the eyes of some major spirit possession!” This hurt me very much. Why would they say this?
A: First of all, it is not correct to perceive “everything in such darkness and gloom, etc.” That is merely the result of a cocoon of falsehood being removed. Celebrate the balance. Don’t mourn the death of an illusion of an imbalance.
Q: (L) Where do I go from here? Where do we all go?
A: Everywhere.
So, there was hope, and in spite of my dreadful situation, I realized that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who curse the darkness and those who light candles. Well, I couldn’t find any candles to believe in, so I decided to BE my own candle.
So, after a hiatus, while I struggled out of the darkness, we resumed the sessions. I was very concerned about my finances because I was not able to work full time, my lawyer was dragging his feet with my insurance settlement, and I really needed some advice on this matter. So, one night I asked what to do if and when I received this money.
Cassiopaeans: “Laura! Turn over stones, sell apples, do whatever you have to do to get your computer refitted to accommodate the internet, including the online market system, as soon as absolutely possible!!!!!!
Q: (L) Well, I am not really in a position to spend that money right now! And what do you mean to ‘turn over stones and sell apples?’
A: Figures of speech! Do what you have to do… take care of the mechanics, my Dear, the rest will fall into place…
Well, this was an odd thing to say. I was on the internet, but so far it had amounted to very little in the way of positive interaction of any kind. I was even beginning to think it was a waste of money.
Now the C’s were telling me that I needed to expand my system and maybe “dabble” in the stock market? Was that it? It was hard to tell. The clues were becoming rather frequent that “something” was supposed to happen, but they would only allude to it in strange remarks.
I had begun to suffer from what I thought were “hot flashes” and it was very disturbing. It became even more so when other members of the group also began to experience the same, always when we were together. There had also been dreams and difficulty sleeping and other anomalies, so we felt justified in asking for answers about such a “personal” issue.
Q: (V) A few weeks ago several of us began to suffer from internal heat, insomnia, and other things. What was this?
A: Image. Deep conjunction of fibrous linkage in DNA structure.
Q: (V) Well, I want to know if it is in my mind that I get so hot, or does my body temperature actually elevate?
A: Only on 4th. Bleedthrough, get used to those!
Q: (L) Does this mean we are actually experiencing bleed-through of 4th density?
A: Image. Try to concentrate on the ethereal significance, rather than the physical.
Q: (L) When you say “deep conjunction of fibrous linkage,” does this mean that we are growing or developing a 4th density body?
A: Slowly, but surely. Now, we have told you before that the upcoming “changes” relate to the spiritual and awareness factors rather than the much publicized physical. Symbolism is always a necessary tool in teaching. But, the trick is to read the hidden lessons represented by the symbology, not to get hung up on the literal meanings of the symbols!
Q: (L) You say that the symbology has to do with hidden meanings. The symbology that you used was “image” and “deep fibrous linkage” of DNA. Now, is that a physical, symbolic image?
A: Yes.
Q: (L) What is your definition of “image?” We have many.
A: Learning is fun, Laura, as you have repeatedly found!
Q: (L) Well, I am so hot now that I really want to know! And, how come I am always the one who gets assigned the job of figuring everything out?
A: Because you have asked for the “power” to figure out the most important issues in all of reality. And, we have been assisting you in your empowerment. Leave that alone for now, you will know soon enough.
Q: (V) Is this 4th density body something that already exists so that we could communicate with it?
A: Habeas Corpus?
Q: (L) Well, what they must mean is that you ARE it – you are transforming little by little and all of the unpleasant little side-effects are just part of it.
A: Yes.
Q: (V) Righteous! (L) Now, I want to start working on accessing this information that you have said before is “locked up inside” me. Terry showed me a couple of acupuncture points that seem to induce an altered state. Is this, as he says, a way to open the door to the subconscious?
A: Stimulates endorphins.
Q: (L) Is there any point on the body that CAN be used to assist in opening the gate to the subconscious?
A: No such assistance is needed. First, we would like to suggest that you seek a “spin” doctor for your quest!!
Q: (L) What in the world?! Would a “spin” doctor be a Sufi master?
A: One example.
Then one night, I tried to pursue the “Sufi” issue and the following was said:
Q: (L) Al-Arabi presents a very complex analysis and he probably didn’t know it all either… Nevertheless, it almost word-for-word reflects things that have been given directly to us through this source.
A: Now, learn, read, research all you can about unstable gravity waves.
Q: (L) Okay. Unstable gravity waves. I’ll see what I can find. Is there something more about this?
A: Meditate too! We mean for you, Laura, to meditate about unstable gravity waves as part of the research. Unstable gravity waves unlock as yet unknown secrets of quantum physics to make the picture crystal clear.
Well, oddly enough, this was just what I needed… something interesting to think about. They gave some hints about the subject but told me that I would have to do some work on my own. Since they were always telling me to “network on the computer,” I decided that this would be what I would do.
I did some web searching, but couldn’t find a single thing that matched what they were telling me about gravity waves. I was becoming pretty desperate, so I posted the information I did have (See: “Santilli” session) on a mail list to which I was subscribed, hoping that it would trigger some sort of domino effect and someone would read it who might know something and would point me in the right direction.
I worked very hard to paste all the references to gravity together from the numerous sessions where it had been discussed and asked Dr. Santilli’s permission to post the session with his identity unmasked. He graciously consented.
After all that work, the only response I received was a funny little one-line note from some man named “ark” who wanted Dr. Santilli’s e-mail so he could communicate with HIM about gravity waves!
But, at the bottom of this short little e-mail was a url. I was just learning how to navigate the web beyond e-mail and mail lists, and I decided to see what would happen if I entered this web address in the blank field on my web browser. I wasn’t sure what would happen, but there it went!
A web page began to load, and I started to read: “Arkadiusz Jadczyk and Quantum Future.“
And, as soon as I started reading, I KNEW that it was HIM!
Well, it seems that at the same time I was being told to “research gravity waves,” Ark was taking a walk along a street that leads to the Piazza Michelangelo in Florence, Italy. He stopped to sit on an ancient megalith and write in his research journal some few words about gravity waves… “do they hold the key?”
When he got back to his office in a 400-year-old monastery that is now part of the University of Firenze, he logged onto the internet and someone who had read the Skywatch post had forwarded it to him.
I cannot really speak for his reactions except to say that he has said that he instantly “recognized” me. But, of course, being a scientist and steeped in the world of logic and reason, this “recognition” was more than a little unsettling.
He wrote his little note to me, with the ostensible reason of asking for Dr. Santilli’s e-mail address, as a “test” for the universe, so to speak.
On his website was a small photo of him. The instant I saw this picture, I KNEW what I had been looking for in those holocaust photos years before. A certain pair of eyes. And I began to weep uncontrollably. I could not stop. And as I cried, images would flow through my mind of other lives, other places… it was like all my memories of bygone centuries was being awakened.
Sometimes I would be so overwhelmed with the volume and content of this “past life remembering” process, that I would literally have to shut myself up in my room and curl up in a fetal position and shake and cry. My body temperature would fluctuate wildly and I would alternate between freezing cold and burning heat. It was as if I was experiencing the emotions of all the images of different lifetimes that would pass through my mind like a continuous montage of vignettes and short movie clips. It felt like my solar plexus had been blown wide open and the entire universe was pouring through me.
I was afraid to reveal to anyone what was happening to me for fear they would think I was a complete lunatic! And, I certainly could not tell HIM!
It is kind of funny in retrospect: there we were, trying to carry on a normal and “ordinary” correspondence, while he trekked all over Europe from conference to conference and back to his own University and office from time to time; but these e-mails were becoming rather extensive and lengthy -. 20 to 25 per day!
Neither of us was admitting what we were going through in terms of our reactions; until one day, by some strange accident, an e-mail he sent to me was returned “User Unknown” and he was overwhelmed by the thought that he had lost contact! He knew, at that point, that he had to step over the line of “cordial correspondence” and declare his “knowing.”
It was obviously just a glitch in the system… but the barrier came down even more and we decided that we MUST meet.
Ark had to travel for the next few months, and one of the conferences was to be in Berlin where he was scheduled to speak about “Time.” He had asked for a photo of me, but I did not have a scanner or a “real” website. Another fellow had posted some of the C’s material on his website, and I asked him if he could also scan and post a photo. This took a couple of weeks to arrange, and the photo was nearly ruined when his little son put a piece of buttered toast on it. But, finally, the photo was loaded and I wrote to Ark in Berlin and he went to download it. But, at that moment all the computers at the Technical University where the conference was being held CRASHED! He became rather desperate and found a server on one of the upper floors that were reserved for special use, that was NOT connected to the mainframe system… and there he downloaded the photo.
As it was with me, the seeing of the eyes DID something internally. There was this HUGE conflict between his rational “scientific” self, and an OVERWHELMING flood of memory, emotion and actual physical sensations that are impossible to describe. He spent the whole night walking the streets of Berlin “remembering.”
Now, I want to repeat that I NEVER told him that I remembered ANYTHING! I just COULDN’T. It was bad enough that I was going through this HORRIBLE torment of memories, I certainly did not want this man who was, in certain terms, a complete stranger; who was a scientist interested in our “channeling,” to think I was stark, raving mad! But I was thinking that it was entirely fitting that HIS awakening took place in Berlin, where we had last been together.
Before I begin to tell the story of all the obstacles and barriers we had to overcome to be together, which clearly emphasized that someone or something was opposed to our union, I want to digress and tell something of Ark’s personal story, as well as the background of the world as it was the last time we were together.
I will say that, when we were finally able to be together, we discovered that our reactions, sensations, visions, and emotions were not the illusions of neurotic minds. We are like one soul in two bodies, and being together is Amazing Grace.
Suffice it to say, the Cassiopaeans obviously were a result of my desperate seeking; driven by who and what I was as a result of many lifetimes of experience.
The fact that Ark is a scientist is also a result of his desperate seeking for the same reasons.
For me, this seeking resulted in the Coming of the Cassiopaeans, who hinted, nudged, and educated me to the point where a certain possible future became probable, and then a reality; and this future which is now the present, is one of joy unspeakable.
The effect of the Cassiopaeans, at least in part, has been a demonstration of a Universal Plan of Love and Redemption of such a scope and magnitude that I am staggered by the implications.
I no longer doubt that Love is Eternal – I KNOW IT!